Well, I've done it again. Due to my blindness (I have lost %50 of my eyesight due to glaucoma), I have severely injured myself. It wouldn't be so bad if it were some kind of injury involving manly pursuits, but no, I was simply drinking a glass of Metamucil. First of all let me tell you that drinking Metamucil is like drinking Kool-Aid with dirt in it, and sometimes that dirt gets clumped up at the bottom of the glass. This is how a clump of that dirt caused me to have a bloody injury. In my attempt to knock loose the clump, I gave the glass a little tap at the bottom while it was tilted up, towards my mouth. This worked fine, and the clump, along with the rest of the liquid came rushing forward and into my face, causing me to lurch forward and slam the glass into the cabinet that I had judged to be farther away from me. Slamming the glass into the cabinet caused it to jam into the bridge of my nose, which caused me to start screaming in pain, swearing, and dancing around the kitchen, spewing blood and Metamucil everywhere.
Once everything calmed down and Mark had bandaged me up, I let Chandler know that he had done nothing wrong, and he came out from behind the bed. Then I cleaned up the blood and Metamucil, which by this time had turned into a slimy goo. Finally I returned to the task at hand. I drank another glass of the nasty stuff, but this time I checked all sight distances, put on my safety glasses, and used my sippy cup.
Well, I've done it again. Due to my blindness (I have lost %50 of my eyesight due to glaucoma), I have severely injured myself. It wouldn't be so bad if it were some kind of injury involving manly pursuits, but no, I was simply drinking a glass of Metamucil. First of all let me tell you that drinking Metamucil is like drinking Kool-Aid with dirt in it, and sometimes that dirt gets clumped up at the bottom of the glass. This is how a clump of that dirt caused me to have a bloody injury. In my attempt to knock loose the clump, I gave the glass a little tap at the bottom while it was tilted up, towards my mouth. This worked fine, and the clump, along with the rest of the liquid came rushing forward and into my face, causing me to lurch forward and slam the glass into the cabinet that I had judged to be farther away from me. Slamming the glass into the cabinet caused it to jam into the bridge of my nose, which caused me to start screaming in pain, swearing, and dancing around the kitchen, spewing blood and Metamucil everywhere.
Jesus Christ! You are a living breathing Monty Python Sketch. I'd have laughed at you, despite the blood.
ReplyDeleteYour incredible diagram was the only thing that stopped me from cringing... You should include more hand-drawn diagrams with your stories... :)
ReplyDeleteWow alan what have you done to your self? get well soon and ps, I like the new look here, its ace !
ReplyDeleteSyd, why should you be any different than the rest of my "friends". One of these days I will recreate one of my horrific injuries on video for the amusement of everyone.
ReplyDeleteYou tried the Hooters Girl barstool trick from Syd's, right?
ReplyDeleteOuch!
Yikes. I definitely think the vodka would have helped the situation!
ReplyDeleteIt's not worth it, try the safe metamucil for blind people, apple flavored metamucil wafers followed by plain easy flowing water in a sippy cup.
ReplyDeleteOh my god Alan, be careful! We all hate seeing you hurt yourself but those sketches are too funny! Take care of your nose.
ReplyDeleteThere is something similar to Metamucil and without all the grit. Ask your local pharmacist.
ReplyDelete