Feel the Burn

I don't like Indian restaurants. I always feel dissatisfied after eating in one. None of the food really tastes very good, and I'm not sure if I even get what I ordered. Is that mystery meat really chicken, or somebody's lost kitty cat? They season it all so much they could be feeding me just about anything. Mark has attempted to recreate Indian food here at home and he has come up with a couple of truly tasty meals. That's because he knows I hate spicy food, and he tones the spices way down. I'd really rather have a rack of his ribs or meatloaf, but if once in awhile he wants to try something different, that's fine with me.

Yesterday afternoon Mark disappeared for a couple of hours. When he returned home, he went straight into the kitchen and started cooking.
"Where did you go?"
"I went shopping with Kersi."
Kersi is a friend of ours from India.
"What're you cooking there." I asked as eye stinging fumes came wafting up from the stove.
"Indian food. Kersi took me to an Indian grocery store and told me what to buy. This is going to be an authentic Indian dinner tonight."
Oh goody, I thought, "Should I check and make sure the cats are still in the yard?"

About an hour later Mark called me to dinner. It all looked pretty good, and didn't smell too bad, so as each dish was passed over to me I plopped a portion onto my plate. I took my fork and dug into the pile of ground meat first. As it hit my tongue all I could think about was the beast in the movie Alien and it's acid blood. My mouth was on fire. I jumped up, ran to the kitchen, and started gulping down water. It didn't help. From the dining room I heard Mark say, "Drink some milk if it's too spicy."
So I grabbed the gallon of milk and started chugging it. The milk did tone it down somewhat, but it still burned. I managed to choke down a few more mouthfuls of this strange dinner before I gave up. In my stomach I could feel the milk reacting with the food. It wasn't good. Things were moving and growling down there. It didn't get any better when I went to bed. I lay there all night blasting fiery bursts of curry scented gas. This morning my stomach still hurts a bit, and I am not looking forward to my next bowel movement. I never did get that asbestos lined colon installed.