Douche Bag

Last night, in the middle of the night, I had what I'd call mental restlessness. This is where you lay in bed and start thinking about something in your past and then the longer you lay there thinking, the more it escalates into a full blown case of insomnia. It all started with me getting up to take a pee. When I got back to bed I started thinking about when I was a kid and I wouldn't get up to take a pee. I'd just do it right there in bed. It used to drive my mom crazy, and really wasn't a very pleasant thing to wake up to. That thought then reminded me of being potty trained on an old, wooden, potty seat that sat on top of the regular toilet seat. I remembered the little rubber cup at the front that was designed to catch any errant squirts. This then reminded me of something else from my childhood. Now you have to realize that I am talking about being like two, maybe three years old. Anyway, in our bathroom while I was taking a bath one day, hanging from the shower curtain rod, was a rubber device. I remember my mom telling me that it was a hot water bottle, and that she used it for aching muscles. So there I was, little Alan sitting in a bathtub full of water, looking up at this strange thing. Oh, and it also had a long rubber hose attached to it with some kind of nozzle with four holes in it. Needless to say, I reached up and pulled the device off of the curtain rod and immersed it in the bath water. I then took the long hose and put the nozzle end in my mouth and started blowing bubbles with it. After a while I began humming into the hose as if it were a bagpipe, making up my own music. This got my mom's attention, and she came running into the bathroom with a horrified look on her face.
"No Alan, we don't play with mommy's things."
She took it away, and I never did see it hanging in the bathroom again.