Ham and Cheese

Our friend Stephen says he is coming to Chicago in May. Stephen is a theater guy. He is the costumer to the stars, if you are starring in a show in Indianapolis. Really, Stephen went from working in our hotdog stand to owning his own booming, theater costume business in Indiana. Some people are so into theater that they just can't live without working in the business. Now I like going to the theater, but I have never considered that I could have a role in it. I think it goes back to my childhood at Saint George Catholic School. I had the opportunity to be on stage twice while I was at Saint George's, if you count being an Altar Boy as being on stage. I was also involved in a school play, in our school basement. The funny thing is that I was kicked out of both productions, and for the same reason. Bells. As an Altar Boy you had to ring some bells at a particular moment in the Mass. I thought it was hilarious to ring the bells at the wrong time, distracting the priest. It always elicited a snicker from my fellow Altar Boys. Not so much for the priest. "Get out! Right now, get out!" boomed Father O'Connell, and my Altar Boy career was over. A bell was also responsible for the permanent end to my stage career. The nun responsible for putting on the play had picked me to be the sound effects guy. My place was off stage, and all I had to do was set off the bell on an alarm clock when a phone was supposed to ring. The bell would ring, the girl on stage would pick up the phone, and my job was done. The trouble was, I lusted for more. So after doing my job the right way the first time, I decided to let the phone ring one more time after the girl started talking. The audience roared, I was a hit. Everybody saw the humor in my antics except for the girl on stage and Sister Frances. She didn't yell quite as loud as Father O'Connell, but she pretty much said the same thing.