Just Tell Me, Is It Going To Fucking Rain?

When I was a kid the local television newscast lasted fifteen minutes and instead of film they used large photographs to illustrate the stories. That was quite an improvement over the newscasts from my older brother's time. Back then they used pictures chiseled into stone. Anyway, back in the 1950's I used to watch Alex Drier and Fahey Flynn do the news. Those were the big names in my early years. They would read the news and give the sports scores, and that was it. That was until P.J. Hoff came along. I think he was Chicago's first big time weatherman. There was no radar, no fancy maps, no five day forecasts, and no video of tornadoes ripping through the countryside. P.J. Hoff used cartoons that he drew to illustrate what the weather would be the next day.

Flash ahead to the 1980's and now the weather was a big deal. Every station had a weather star. One station had Harry Volkman who was the friendly weather nerd. On another station was a guy named John Coleman. John Coleman was insane. He would suddenly burst onto the screen when introduced, moving menacingly from out of the green screen as if he could pop right out of that television. Now it is the twenty first century and the weather men/women have taken over. At the beginning of the newscast they immediately turn to the weather person for a quick tease. Later, at least one third or more of the half hour news is turned over to weather. Seriously, who the hell needs to know that much about the weather. Maps, future maps, radar, future radar (it's magic), and all kinds of other graphics are engaged in the telling of whether or not it will rain tomorrow.

Please, please. All I want to know is how hot/cold it will be tomorrow, and will it rain/snow. That is all anybody needs to know. Oh, and as for that guy back in the 1980's, the big time weather forecaster. John Coleman, who we looked to for an educated prediction of the weather. He's making big money selling movies, books, and paid speeches about the fact that global climate change is a big hoax.