But No Fava Beans

Every time I open the door to the backyard, the dogs run out there as fast as they can hoping that they can catch a rat. The dogs know where the rats go. Along the fence that divides my yard from the neighbor who does no yard work, back by the gate to the alley, and in that little hole under the porch next to the sewer. The place I am concerned about is the hole under the porch. That's where the porch rat comes in. My porch is mostly enclosed but not sealed shut, so the rats just dig a little under the wall, and come on in. That's where my battle with the rats starts. I tried rat poison. One rat ate a bit of the poison, dropped dead in the yard, and was picked up by Scout. I freaked out. After wrestling the dead rat out of Scout's mouth, I threw out the rest of the poison. I then switched to a rat trap. I put a piece of cheese in it and set it out on the porch. The next morning I had a dead rat in the trap. Great, I thought, so I re-baited the trap and set it out again. This time a rat visited, ate the cheese, and left without setting off the trap. It's not as if the trap doesn't have a hair trigger, it does. My bruised finger proves that. Next time I baited the trap with something stickier, macaroni and cheese. Again, the rat got the bait and didn't set off the trap. It seems that I have the most clever rat in Chicago, a rat that has figured out the science of rat traps. So far for bait, I have tried salami, mashed potatoes, brie cheese (stinkier and sticky), and bacon fat drizzled across the trigger mechanism. The rat really loved that bacon fat. It hit the trap within hours of my setting it out there. Licked it clean after somehow setting it off without getting caught. I am not sure what my next move will be. I don't care how smart the rat under my porch is, I can't have it living there. It smells like rat piss under there. So I'm going to get a larger, more lethal trap, and douse it good with that drizzled bacon fat the little beast loves so much. Maybe I'll set out a tiny little glass of Chianti next to it, for the discerning rat.