Sugar, Spice, Everything Nice

Let me begin this post by saying that my nephew's two girls are the sweetest, nicest, and well behaved children anybody would want.

For years Mark whined about wanting to adopt a child, and for years I kept telling him no. No way on Earth would I ever want a child living in my house. I came from a family of eleven children, with eight of my brothers and sisters younger than me. I vividly remember crying babies in the middle of the night while I lay in bed wondering why Mom didn't shut that thing up. I was often very sleepy in school the next day. I also remember the smell of shitty diapers and that big pail in our bathroom filled with them. I even remember the time my mom, sick with the flu, passed out and fell head first into that pail. Lucky for her I was also sick and home from school that day. I saved Mom from the embarrassment of drowning in a bucket of dirty diapers. It just wouldn't look good in her obituary.

Last Thursday my nephew came to visit and brought his two adorable little girls with him. One of them five years old, and the other two years old. This delighted the dogs to no end. Having never seen a miniature human before,  Chandler proceeded to let loose with loud barking in the girls ears. They were not afraid of Chandler, not too afraid. But for this offense I sent Chandler to dog jail. Scout, on the other hand, found it great fun to run back and forth full speed through the house with the girls. She thought these tiny humans were fantastic, so she got a get out of jail free card. It also seemed that Mark had never been exposed to children before. He kept worrying that they would hurt themselves, either with the dogs or running around just being kids. So when the two year old headed for the stairs on the back porch, Mark told her "No, don't go there." The poor girl burst out in a loud wail, and continued crying uncontrollably for some time. Mark had scared her. By the time my nephew and his girls left, Mark was a nervous mess. And can I just reiterate, my nephew's two girls are the sweetest, nicest, and well behaved children anybody would want. That night Mark told me, "I don't want to adopt a child anymore. I didn't know it would be like that with kids around." I told Mark, "Now you understand why I never wanted to adopt. Because living with a small child would be like living with a drunken midget, and there is only room for one drunk in this house."