ENIPS

 

One thing about old people. We go to doctors a lot. I have a general practitioner, podiatrist, ophthalmologist, and orthopedic surgeon. Four doctors, all good doctors. I have no favorites. However, my new orthopedic surgeon might be in the running for the most interesting doctor on that list. The day before Christmas, I was sitting in a chair and when I stood up intense pain blasted my right knee. Son of a bitch, I thought, I've finally gone cripple. The next day I made it out to my sister's house for Christmas, still in much pain. I had made kolachkis, and if I didn't deliver them I would have ended up eating them all myself. That would have negated a year of very careful dietary discipline and I'd get fat... well, fatter. Also, two of my sisters are nurses so I kind of knew I'd get some free medical advice. Which I did. An ice pack, and two Advil pills. That helped some, but my knee was still hurting over a week later. I decided to go see the orthopedic surgeon about it. This is why I find the guy so interesting. After stabbing me with a needle full of cortisone, he goes into his comedy club act. Seriously, he tells a whole bunch of rapid fire jokes, Rodney Dangerfield style. You are completely disarmed and forget all about that long needle that he just stabbed into your knee. My favorite joke was his closer. Not a verbal joke, but one he wrote out on a piece of paper. He handed me the paper and asked me to rearrange the letters he had written down so that they spelled a human body part. It looked like this, "enips". Easy, right? So now I have it straight from the doctor's mouth. I have a dirty mind.