Zombie Dog

 

This morning I Googled, "How long are dreams?". I dream a lot and sometimes they seem to go on for a long time. Google says, "Five to twenty minutes." Seems about right. My craziest dreams used to come after watching episodes of The Walking Dead earlier in the evening. If you don't know, it's a show about zombies. To try and stop the bad dreams I would record The Walking Dead and then watch it during the daytime. That didn't totally clear the dreams, so I stopped watching it all together. I haven't watched it for a few of years now.

Last night I had what seemed like an extended dream involving zombies. People I knew were turning into zombies. Everybody was trying to bite me and turn me into a zombie. Worst of all, I knew it was a dream and I couldn't wake up. If you ever watched The Walking Dead, you know the growling sound the zombies make. That was what I kept hearing in my dream, until I finally woke up. Next to my bed, in the dark, was Scout. She was doing her "I have to go out and poop" growl while staring up at me. It's a very low, almost inaudible growl, that is not meant to scare. Only meant to let me know she has to poop. I can only assume she had been sitting there for quite a while before I woke up.

The Magic Chair

 

When my grandfather was in his eighties I would often stop over to visit when my delivery job took me close by. If it was during the baseball season I would find Grandpa asleep in his recliner chair with the television on very loud, and tuned to the Chicago Cubs. Not that Grandpa was a big fan of the Cubs. He had the Cubs on because he was a fan of naps in the middle of the day and the Cubs didn't play night games back then. No sleeping pill could compete with the Cubs of the 1970s and a can of Meister Brau Beer. The recliner chair helped too, I believe.

I'm not yet in my eighties, but I do understand now how all that worked. I've owned a string of recliner chairs over the last forty years. Some were cheap and some were expensive, often they were uncomfortable. Then there were those giant fluffy things that seemed to want to swallow you. Whatever, I like to recline when I watch television. When my last one broke down, I went to the La-Z-Boy store and spent a lot of money on a new recliner chair. It is like nothing I have ever experienced before. I've had it for a year and a half now and it still feels like new. I sit in that thing when my back hurts, and the hurt subsides. What I didn't expect was what it would do for my napping. I sleep better in that chair than I do in bed. The problem is that it puts me to sleep when I don't even want to sleep. I will turn on a program, see the first few minutes, and then I find myself opening my eyes to a completely different show. I won't even remember closing my eyes. It's like magic, kind of like time travel. If it weren't for DVR's I would miss a lot of shows. Also, if it weren't for the two dogs that live with me I'd  probably never wake up. They don't put up with this ignoring them shit.

The Real Reason For the Time Change

 

Day one of government enforced sleep deprivation. At 4:00am on that morning, ten pounds of Daisy dog walked across my mid-section and leaped to the floor of the bedroom landing next to the other dog, Scout, sleeping on the rug. Scout then took up the cause, letting out the soft whining that she uses to wake me up. Welcome to the world of the deep state, big brother, the conspiracy to ruin my life. Time to fuck with time again. I'm not sure if it's a Republican conspiracy or Democrat conspiracy to ruin an entire week for me. Probably just those embedded, secret government bureaucrats trying to keep Americans from thinking clearly. Yes, wake up sheeples. Haven't you noticed that it comes right before the November elections so you vote in a fog?

By 2:30pm on Sunday it was already getting dark and the dogs started to remind me that they will need to be fed at any minute now. Normal dinner time for the dogs is 4:30pm, with a nice walk afterwards. Now, six days later, nothing has changed. I am still awakened in the dark, early hours of the morning by a very insistent little fur ball. Around 2:30 in the afternoon they both stand in front of my recliner chair, staring at me, expecting to be fed and walked. Meanwhile, I am constantly looking at clocks all day because I have no idea what time it is either.

All this is because some evil beings, hidden deep within the halls of the government, want to screw with us and the elections. You think I'm kidding? Just watch. They'll do it again next year right before the Presidential elections. Then we'll all go to the polls and vote for the wrong candidates, while those really in charge sit back and giggle.