This happens
to me often. I prepare for a do it yourself job, either on my car or in the
house. I look at the job and decide what tools I will need. So let’s say the job
requires a flat head screwdriver and that’s all. I get a flat head screwdriver
and proceed. Within minutes I realize I’ll need another tool, like maybe
pliers. So it’s back to the tool cabinet for the pliers. An hour later I’ve
dragged out the entire tool cabinet for the job and I’m cursing up a storm. I
thought it would be a simple fix. A job that would take maybe five
minutes. It never does.
Back in
August I was having trouble urinating, especially at night. I would get up
almost every hour on the hour. I would stand there in front of the toilet knowing
I had to go, but nothing would happen. So I made an appointment with an urologist.
I figured he would give me pills like the ones they used to advertise on
television. You know, the one where the guy on the golf course has to stop at
every hole and pee in the bushes. I got the pills, but the doctor also took a
urine sample.
“The report shows that your urine is
abnormal. So I’d like you to get a cat scan.”
I got the
cat scan.
“The cat scan appears to show
abnormalities in your prostate. I’d like to do a cystoscopy”
A what? It
was then explained that a tiny camera would be shoved up my pee hole, all the way
up through my prostate and into my bladder. I got the cystoscopy. It was not
fun, but at least I got to see the inside of my wiener and bladder on a giant
video screen.
“The cystoscopy looked fine, but the urinalysis
still comes up abnormal. I’d like for you to get an MRI.”
I got the
MRI.
“MRI shows that your prostate may
have some malignant areas. I’d like to do a biopsy. We go in through your anus
and take twelve samples.”
I got the
biopsy. It was awful. That’s all I’m going to say about it. After the biopsy
the doctor sat me down and said this.
“I noticed while looking at the MRI
that your right kidney is not working. It looks like it hasn’t worked in a few
years. Also, it appears to have the beginnings of a malignancy. I think it
should be removed.”
So I agreed,
and this week I went to my doctor for the pre-surgery clearance exam. He gave
me an EKG while I was there.
“I’m afraid the EKG says that you
might have had a heart attack sometime in the past. You will need to get an echocardiogram.”
Heart attack? Maybe when we were going through some mountains in the old PT Cruiser, and Mark was driving? Anyway, I got the echocardiogram today. While I lay there on my side getting
the echocardiogram, the tech told me all about her UTI problems… in detail. Finally
the UTI story was finished.
“All done. You’re fine. No evidence
of any heart attack.
Sadly it’s
not over yet. I still have the surgery ahead. All I wanted was to pee.
