The Ice Melt Cometh

Monday night, before I went to bed, I took the dogs out for the last pee of the night. That's when I realized we were having an ice storm. I stepped out into the back yard and it was slippery. Overhead the wires were iced up and drooping. From the fence and the eaves of the garage, icicles dripped from every surface. So in an attempt to get ahead of the ice I went out front and spread ice melting pellets on all the sidewalks. Then I went to bed. In the morning I looked out the front windows expecting to see my sidewalks all free of ice. They weren't. At least half an inch of grainy ice was covering everything. So I went out there and scraped the top layer off with a snow shovel, then spread more of those ice melting pellets. This was not the cheap Morton Salt, ice melt. I used the more expensive stuff that was guaranteed down to zero degrees. Feeling that I had done my civic duty, I went back inside the house and had my morning cup of coffee. About an hour later I looked out the windows, once again expecting to see sidewalks free of ice. They were not free of ice, but were covered with ice that had little holes where the expensive ice melting pellets had melted their way down to the pavement. Obviously that crap does not work on Chicago ice. Maybe it works on Atlanta ice, or Tallahassee ice, but not on tough Chicago ice. So I took my other bag of ice melt, the cheap Morton Salt stuff, and spread that shit all over my sidewalks. Immediately I saw results. Hours later I looked out the windows again and the ice was still melted away. Maybe that was because I had put enough salt out there to preserve a whale carcass, but I didn't care. My only worry is that in two months I'll have to plant new grass after all that brine has washed into the lawn.