"I need garlic."
"Umm... okay. Could you move? You're standing in front of the television."
"No, I mean I need some garlic or there won't be any dinner for you."
"(sigh).. Now, you want to go now?"
"Take me to Tony's Market, and then you can go back to watching whatever it is you're watching."
It was actually nothing. I had the Cubs on, but I was doing more dozing off than watching. It didn't matter, Mark needed his garlic. So I hauled myself out of the big chair, put on my shoes, and we left for Tony's. I dread going shopping with Mark. Sure, it was just garlic, but why would he grab a big shopping cart when we got to Tony's for a bulb of garlic? Because garlic was just a ruse. He also needed noodles, Chinese broccoli, soda, some sweet roles, lemons, and a bunch of other crap. Not only that, but on the way to Tony's he announced that he wanted to stop at Target "For just a minute." So after Tony's we wasted thirty minutes at Target wandering aimlessly up and down the aisles. But wait, there's more. As we were leaving Target I heard this, "Can we stop at that antique store on Olive Street? For just a minute?"
So Mark needed some garlic. He got me out of my big chair, out of my living room, and out of the house for some garlic. And once again I was tricked into one of his shopping safaris. That's what I call it when Mark hijacks me like that, Mark's Shopping Safari. You would think that after nineteen years I would have caught on. You would think that when Mark tells me that he needs some garlic, that I would say "Sure, I'll go get it for you." Then leave the house alone so that I could return within less than three hours with a garlic bulb. But Mark is clever, he pleads fear of driving in the big city. He'll whine and nag until I give in. Goddamn, I hate shopping... but that lasagna he made with the sweet, savory garlic flavor is so damn good.