Measure Twice, Cut Once

Measure twice, cut once. That is the cardinal rule of home projects. Kind of like Ohm's law in electronics, although don't touch a live wire also would be appropriate.

I don't know what it is with me and doors. No matter how hard I try, when I install a new door at my house, it always ends up looking like I was in a drunken stupor when I did it. When I was replacing my tenant's back door a few years ago, I had the thing up on saw horses, out in the dog run, and was going at it with a circular saw when a huge thunder storm broke out. Instead of stopping the saw, and going inside, I decided to rush through the job while lightning bolts exploded all around me. When I was done and the door was re-hung, there were gaps and deep gouges all up and down the edge. There was one good thing about it though, it made it easier for Dennis to pass me the rent check without actually opening the door. My back door is no better. I measured everything, and was sure I had it right, but still you can see sunlight all along the jamb. Chandler loves it, he sits and waits for lizards to squeeze in through the gaps.

To finish off my bathroom project, I decided to put a new bathroom door in. So it was off to the Home Depot where I picked up a nice door, and loaded it into the back of the PT Cruiser (this led to the door flying out of the car as we crossed the Fifteenth Avenue bridge, but that's a story for another day). I was so careful this time. After all my failures hanging doors, this time I would do it right. I set up a table in the back yard with clamps and a long piece of lumber that I used as a saw fence. Then I measured the door opening. Exactly twenty three and three quarter inches. That meant I had to take one quarter inch off the door. Remembering the cardinal rule, I measured again, and once more just to be sure. Apparently, I measured wrong three times. After slicing the appropriate bit off the edge of the door, I brought it back into the bathroom, where I screwed hinges on it, then I screwed the hinges to the door jamb, and then closed the door. From the other side I could hear Mark's squeaky voice,
"I can see you."
"What?"
"I can see you, through that huge gap."
I looked to my left and saw two skinny fingers poking in between the door and the jamb, wiggling around where there should have been a nice tight fit.

Son of a bitch.........   Goddamned, son of a bitch!