Nighty Night

I was awakened from a bizarre dream where I am being pushed off a cliff towards certain doom. In the blackness of the night I quickly figure out that yes, I am being pushed off. Only it's not from a cliff, it's from my own bed by my beloved dog Chandler. He's stretching his legs out again in an effort to claim more territory, and I am apparently in his way. I never wanted the dog to sleep in my bed. It was Mark that invited him up when he was still only half the size he is now. Eighty pounds later, Mark admits that yes, he made a big mistake.

When Chandler was still a puppy I introduced him to his predecessors bed.
"Here boy, this was Molly's bed and now it's yours."
He took right to it, curling up in the funky smelling thing that Molly had left behind. For exactly one full day Chandler stayed in Molly's old bed, and when it came time to go to sleep I figured he'd be fine sleeping there. The next morning I awoke to find Chandler standing in the living room, wagging his tail furiously, surrounded by a mountain of white stuffing. He had gutted the dog bed.

Back to my current problem, sharing my bed with a skinny black guy and a dog that can make himself seem twice as big as he actually is. Seeing that one of them has the ability to drop a little strychnine in my dinner, the choice was easy. Chandler would have to get his own bed. Off we went to the store where I found a nice little dog bed, perfect for Chandler. Unfortunately he isn't going along with the program. I've tried everything to get him to sleep in the thing. I've put his chewy strips, his toys, a piece of my clothing, and a cookie on the thing. No luck. He just looks at me like I'm crazy, and grabs the cookies and chewy strips off the dog bed, then jumps up onto my bed with them. I've pulled him over to the dog bed and told him to sit, which he did, for a nanosecond. This morning I found Carlotta Kitty curled up, and sleeping in the middle of the thing. Okay, so it's turned out to be nothing more than an expensive cat bed. If nothing else, it will keep the cat off my bed. That will result in about two square inches of extra space. I'm sure Chandler will appreciate it.