Pool Cleaning Tips From Alan

I have a nifty little trick I do when cleaning the pool filter. The filter is encased within a metal canister that is sealed shut with a twisty thing (technical term) on top. To break the seal, I loosen the twisty thing and then turn on the pump for one quick second. The lid to the canister pops up, and you can then easily remove it. Like I said, it's a nifty trick... if you do it right. Rule number one, don't leave your fingers between the twisty thing, and the metal canister when you flip on that pump switch.

I think I let out the loudest howl ever. Not even the time I scared the shit out of the doctors, and nurses when they were removing bone marrow from my hips, was I as loud. The backyard cats ran for their lives, birds burst out of the trees in a panic, and the lawyers in the office on the other side of my backyard fence started filing law suits for sexual harassment against me. Why? Because I left my fingers between the twisty thing, and the canister lid. Why the sexual harassment suits? I can't help myself, when I am hurt I automatically start screaming out the worst, most vile, most profane string of filthy words I can think of.

Yes I know it shocks most people within earshot, but it also makes me feel better. If I'm going to be suffering with my fingers smashed like pancakes, I'm going to make everybody know it. How loud was I really? When I walked Sasha later in the afternoon, my neighbor across the street, Stan, said he had heard me screaming. Honestly, I was a bit disturbed that my neighbors heard me screaming at the top of my lungs, and nobody called 911. I guess they know me pretty well.