Mark's Comedy Corner

I woke up this morning feeling as if I had gone to a gym and had a serious workout yesterday. I didn't. Despite all the aches and pain, I did not go to a gym yesterday. No, I fell yesterday. I fell hard on the floor in the bedroom, and this is why I fell.

This is how the world looks to a person with glaucoma. No, not Mark's face everywhere you look. The blotchy voids, the peripheral vision gone, that's how it looks. I was walking into the bedroom with a glass of ice in my hand and something reached up from the floor and grabbed my foot. As I fell like a giant redwood tree I could see the glass of ice flying through the air, and just before I hit the clothes hamper with my face the thought went through my head that, that was going to make quite a mess.

I lay motionless on the floor for about a minute. There was no screaming anymore, just me quietly assessing things. My foot hurt a bit, and my head hurt, but what I noticed most was the giant splinter of wicker from the hamper sticking out of my hand. All this happened just before dinner. We had a guest over, and I was going into the bedroom with a glass of ice to fetch some water. Now you would think Mark and our dinner guest would have come running into the bedroom, all concerned and worried. They didn't. Instead Mark saw this as a chance to do his stand up comedy routine.
"Oh look, Alan's fawlin and he can't get up."
From the living room I hear a few chuckles from the dinner guest.
"Is there any blood? I don't do blood."
More chuckles.

As I peeled myself up off the floor, I looked around for the glass of ice that had been launched from my hand. I found the glass, but not much ice. Oh well, I thought, it will melt and evaporate. Later that evening when I climbed into bed, I found the ice. It had melted, but not evaporated.