The Home Depot Trot

Home Depot has decent bathrooms I have discovered. Clean, neat, and well stocked with paper products. I hate public bathrooms for the most part. People pee on the seats, there is never any toilet paper, and weird guys hang out in there. Unfortunately, while Mark was pointing out which ceiling fan I was going to be putting up in our bedroom, my stomach started churning. From deep within I could feel what seemed like a New York subway train rumbling down hurricane flooded tracks. I could tell it was about to pull into the station so I started the quick walk over to the Home Depot restroom. Five minutes later I arrived in what I expected to be a disgusting hell hole. But no, it was just fine. The seat was clean, there was no moisture on the floor, and there was enough dry toilet paper to supply an army.

When I drove a taxicab in Chicago I learned that the very best place to go to the bathroom were hotel lobby restrooms. And the very best hotel lobby restroom was probably the one in the Executive House Hotel. It was close to the entrance nearest the cab stand, and it had a really nice sound system with wood paneled stalls. One place I learned that you should never go to the bathroom are gas stations. You would be better off squatting over an open sewer on South Indiana Avenue, than suffering the stench and mess of a typical Chicago gas station toilet. Another thing that I learned, just yesterday, was to not eat at a Cuban restaurant before going to the Home Depot. Black beans and rice, lentil soup, and Cuban coffee just don't want to stick around inside you long enough to finish your shopping.