If you look around my house and take in the various projects that have been done, it is usually obvious which were done by me. The clue is the one little corner that is unfinished, the one bit of trim missing, or a bit of uneven workmanship. Mark has been whining for the last month about one little plank of Pergo flooring missing in the corner of our bedroom. So today while Mark was out shopping, I tackled that final piece. The reason I was not so eager to finish off this job is the intricacy of the cutting involved. I'm not very good with things like that, but I threw myself into the job anyway. I measured, I marked, and I started cutting. First with the circular saw, ripping the Pergo plank lengthwise. Then I started with the jig saw, carefully following the lines I had drawn. It was when I reached the end of one particular cut that I suddenly had a realization, and that realization is that one of these days I am going to cut something off of my body. As I finished this last cut, the saw slipped off the plank and shot forward towards my hand. It may be because I hadn't clamped down the piece I was cutting, and the fact that I was using the top of the garbage can as a work bench didn't help either. Luckily the saw missed my thumb which had been directly in its path. So I missed this time, but I just know that one of these days, if I keep screwing around with power tools, I am going to slice off a piece of Alan. I just hope it will not be a part that I am too fond of.
Don't be crazy, Alan. hire a lesbian and get it done right.
ReplyDeleteFirst off ^hahahahaha! Secondly, did you not see the picture of my fingers from Christmas? Let that be a cautionary tale. I was even being careful- sharpened the knife and everything! It's almost like you WANT to cut yourself. Sick.
ReplyDeletePattie, it is definitely hereditary. I remember so many times dad sitting on nails, falling off the ladder, ripping his scull open in the garage, and of course the loud cursing that followed.
ReplyDeleteHostess, I have told Mark, no more. No more will I do these things, he will have to save his money and hire a lesbian.
First of all, the Hostess writes the best comments. :)
ReplyDeleteI so relate to your description of how you get things done. Boy. I often take so many shortcuts and risks when I do home improvements. Sometimes I try to get myself to slow down and be extra cautious but -- nah. It's almost painful. But not as painful as cutting off your thumb.
I agree, Hostess always has a witty response. You two could be Martin & Lewis or Burns & Allen....
ReplyDeleteGlad you don't do any lawn mowing.
ReplyDelete