Roll With It

Geez, the sun's been around the corner of the house for at least a minute now. Why isn't that fat ass getting ready to walk me? Look at him, sitting in that big chair, stuffing his face with those salty, crunchy, delicious things from that bag. I'll just stand here drooling on his foot until he gives me one or takes me for my afternoon walk, or better yet, does both.
"What's the matter Chandler? Are you ready to go walkies?"
Walkies, walk-walk, whatever. I have to poop damn it. I'll dance around in front of the chair and make a few whimpering noises. That always seems to get my point across.
"You do? Okay big boy, let me put my shoes on."
Oh joy! He's putting those things on his feet. We're going walkies! Quick, quick, put that harness on me, open the damn door. Wheeeee! I'm free...  Okay not free. Open the gate, quick open the gate. Wheeeee! I'm fre... gackkkkk! Damn, I forget that leash every time.
"Calm down Chandler. Walk like a good dog."
I am a good dog, not like that evil dog Brody over there. He is such an asshole that Brody. He stole my girlfriend Cammie. She is such a hot looking bitch, and she was all mine until Brody came along.
"Grrrr... Arf, arf, grrr."
"Stop it Chandler. Sorry Ralph. I just don't know why he hates Brody so much."
I'll show that Brody who owns this street.
"No Chandler. No peeing on the neighbor's car."
Okay no peeing, but oh my god, what is that delicious smell? It's over there, in that grass. Come on big guy, let's go.
"Quit pulling me Chandler."
Oh yeah, this is so fine. What a bouquet, what aroma. This is like heaven.
"Chandler! Quit rolling around in that dog shit!"