Down Under

I awakened Saturday morning with a pounding headache, swollen sinuses, and various other aches and pains. I wasn't surprised. I had drank four vodka/sodas and a peppermint patty shot the night before. I have had hangovers before, just not this persistent or harsh in years. I try to drink in a measured way so that I can avoid the unpleasantness of watching my insides splatter in the toilet bowl while my head screams out in pain. It was Sunday morning when I started to suspect something was wrong. I still had that hangover and I hadn't had a drop of liquor since Friday evening's lapse in judgment. The truth is, I did not have a hangover.

On Thursday my doctor had determined that my prostate was swollen to the size of a Mexican child's calf, like a cantaloupe. He prescribed a drug called Flomax that he promised would fix everything. Well I'm not sure what he meant by everything, but I assume he only meant everything associated with the swelling of my prostate. Because what the drug did do was screw up the rest of my body. After suffering for two days, I went to the internet and looked up Flomax side effects. They include, headaches, mild dizziness or drowsiness, sleep problems (insomnia), runny or stuffy nose, sore throat, blurred vision, rhinitis. There is more, including things that can go wrong 'down there', if you know what I mean. Let's just say Flomax has given new meaning to the term "shooting blanks". I have decided that the side effects of this drug are worse than the problem it was designed to cure. So if you are ever waiting to use the bathroom and I'm in there, have patience and a little sympathy. I'm peeing.