Dreamland

When I was a kid I could sleep through anything. I once slept while our neighbor's house burned. Out in front, right outside my window, fire trucks and police sirens blared while I slept. I didn't wake up until all the excitement was almost over with. If my brother and sister hadn't been leaning out my bedroom window watching the drama, I probably wouldn't have woke up at all. I used to sleep so soundly that not even the irresistible urge to pee could wake me up. Unfortunately that problem persisted for years. Now that I've reached well into adulthood my sleeping habits have changed drastically. The slightest sound or lack of sound wakes me with a start. If the electric goes out in the middle of the night the silence wakes me. If Mark gets up to take a leak, it wakes me. Yet during the day, in my big fluffy chair, just the sound of CNN or a Cubs baseball game puts me into a deep sleep. One thing that has been keeping me from sleeping all night lately weighs ten pounds, occasionally has ticks in her hair, and torments Chandler. It's Bette, she has become nocturnal. At least two or three times a night I hear the jingle jangle of her tags as she jumps out of bed to get a drink, or investigate some perceived intruder. But the worst thing that she does, and she does it almost every night now, is wake me up to let her go out and pee. I know, it sounds like it would be a good thing that she has decided not to pee in the house, and it is. It's how she lets me know that she has to go that is so disturbing. It usually starts with me dreaming that I am being pressed under a heavy weight or being buried alive. When my dream reaches a point where I am scared that I might be crushed to death I wake up. There standing with all four feet on my chest, looking directly into my face from a distance of one inch, is Bette. It's terrifying. This has been happening around three or four in the morning, every morning lately. Luckily for me Chandler has a more subtle and less pressing way of waking me up to let him out. He just stands next to the bed with his face inches away from mine and lets out a quiet little whimper.