Jesus Christ

I've been walking both dogs together more often lately, because for one thing, I'm tired of walking around the block six times a day. Unfortunately this can lead to injury. When picking up dog turds, I wrap the leashes around my forearm so as to free up my hands. I learned the hard way that doing that wasn't always a good idea. While bending over to pick up one of Bette's delicate little turds the other day, Chandler took off after a vulture that had been circling over our heads, resulting in the bruised arm in the photo above. Chandler hates vultures. He also hates bicycles, skate boards, joggers, airplanes, squirrels, homeless people (he doesn't know any better), and just about any human without a dog on a leash. There are other things that I have learned from walking both dogs together. I learned that if one finds a particularly good smell in the grass, the other must join in until all the aroma has been enjoyed thoroughly. I have also learned different positions and movements for walking the dogs. There is the Jesus Christ position where both arms are extended. This happens when Chandler is peeing on a tree to my right, and Bette is straining to get to the opposite side of the street. There's the pirouette, which I execute when both dogs circle around behind me. If it's just Chandler, then I do a dainty twirl with my hand holding the leash high above my head. Finally, there is the drag move. This is the one where both dogs snare my legs as they chase both a bicyclist and a squirrel simultaneously, dragging me screaming to the ground.