I'm Your Biggest Fan

It's still hot here in Florida. Not as hot as the past six months, but still in the upper eighties every day. Anyway, summer is over and autumn is here. Soon the harvest moon will show its face and the temperatures will ease just a bit. The humidity has already decreased, from stifling to simply sticky. Walking the dogs at night is actually pleasant again. Anyway, this is Florida and it is still warm, and it will be warm all winter. So I need a new fan for the bedroom. I've burned out the second one this year because I let them run non-stop, all day long. I went up to the Home Depot to purchase my new fan because that was where I got my last fan. I walked in and right over to where the fan department is. There were almost no fans. There was a bunch of empty shelves and a couple of giant ass fans that I couldn't use, so I went and tracked down an employee.

"Do you have fans any place besides those shelves?"

"Uh, no. If it isn't on the shelf, we don't have it."

"So when are you getting a new shipment of fans?"

"Probably in the spring."

"Spring?"

"It's fall sir. We don't carry fans in the fall and winter."

And this is one of the things I hate about Florida. The stores adhere to the same sales seasons as a store in Bangor, Maine. Come autumn you have a difficult time tracking down certain things. All the lawn furniture and swimming pool toys have been removed from the local Target store, and replaced by Christmas and Halloween crap. And if I want to buy a pair of shorts, all I'll find are the closeouts in sizes mostly for men the size of Jerrod before he went on the Subway diet and started seducing little girls.

So if I want that fan I think I'll have to go over to Sears. Nobody shops at Sears so they might still have some left. Which reminds me of when I first moved to Florida and my car overheated. I went to Sears and asked the guy where the anti-freeze was. He told me that they didn't sell anti-freeze, but that they had radiator coolant over there on the shelf. And so they did. Coolant... which just happens to be the exact same thing as anti-freeze.