Mark has not been feeling
well. That, however, did not deter him from going shopping on Friday. First to
Trader Joe's, and then over to the Jewel store in Evanston. After schlepping
around Trader Joe's, Mark was not feeling up to walking all around the Jewel.
It is the weirdest Jewel I have ever been in. They built it on a narrow lot
between rail road tracks and Chicago Street. So the store is very long, nearly
a block long, yet only about fifty feet wide. Mark took one look at the place
and announced that he couldn't do it. He couldn't walk that far while he felt
so ill.
"Why don't you use one
of those electric handicap carts?" I asked.
"Oh no, that wouldn't be right. Those are for
people who have trouble getting around."
"What the hell did you just tell me? You
said that you couldn't make it through this store feeling the way you do."
I went over to where the
electric handicap carts were, picked one out, and delivered it to Mark.
"Here, now get on the
goddamned cart."
So Mark got on the goddamned
cart and after fiddling with the controls for a moment, shot off into the store
ahead of me.
"Ahhh... How do you stop this thing." were the last words I heard as he disappeared down the
cereal aisle. When I caught up with him, he was wedged into a corner next to
the deli.
"Just take your hands
off the controls when you want to stop."
It turns out that Mark is
just as horrible at driving a shopping cart as he is driving the car. Once
again Mark shot off down an aisle, knocking into a Jewel employee who was
standing up on a step stool. Again he couldn't figure out how to turn around or
how to stop. As other shoppers scattered and I aimed my camera towards Mark, I
heard him threaten me with death if any photos of him riding the handicap cart
were posted on Facebook. I thought about that for a moment as Mark
again tore off down towards the meat department. And that is why the picture
above is a photoshopped version of last Friday afternoon.