Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow

Mark's barber shop of choice just raised its price to eight dollars from six. Not a big deal, he can afford it along with a nice tip. Hell, down in Florida he was paying thirteen dollars. For years Mark has been going to black barber shops. He had one in Fort Lauderdale that I began going to with him until I noticed that they were skipping over me. I would sit there waiting for my turn and somebody from off the street would wander in and get a haircut before me. And yes, it was a racial thing. But I really didn't care, I just found another place closer to our house and made Mark move over to the new barber shop with me. Once again, it was a black barber shop but they were much nicer. Now that we are in Chicago the number of black barbers is greater and I was glad that Mark found one just a block from the house. Although it isn't really black, but Russian. Owned by Russians with a couple of black barbers in the same shop. Like I said, they recently raised the price of a haircut and I'm not taking Mark there anymore. Instead Mark bought a Wahl barber kit for a do it yourself haircut. Except Mark of course, can't do it himself. He's not double jointed. So I am now Mark's barber. He once cut my hair and it was a disaster. So I was going to exact my revenge, but a funny thing happened. I did a pretty good job. No gouges, no long straggling hairs, just a nice buzz cut. Oh, and I took eight dollars out of Mark's wallet.

No, That's not a bowling ball

The Red Eyed Man in My Bedroom

The Red Eyed Man

I do love deep sleep. It's something I rarely get. It seems that I'm always drifting off to sleep, or at the point of awakening. The drifting off part is when Mark likes to ask me, "Are you sleeping?" Of course he only asks me that when we're watching a movie or sometimes when I'm driving. When he does that I snap to attention and say "No, awake... I'm awake.." as I steer the car back onto the highway. The period of sleep just before awakening is a strange time. Usually I have a dream and in that dream, no matter what else the subject, I have to pee and I spend part of the dream looking for a place to do that. When I was a kid that would get me into trouble because I invariably found a place to pee. In my bed. I don't do that anymore. Another strange thing about sleep is the few seconds when you first open your eyes. Sometimes, if the television is still on, I will open my eyes and wonder why the television has such a strange picture. I can hear the audio, but the picture is screwed up. It only takes a few seconds but I then realize my eyes are not looking at the television screen. I'm looking at the wall, or the closet door, or at the window. A few months ago I woke up and all I saw was a little red eyed man looking at me. He had a little red hat that drooped to the side, beady little eyes, and a strange nose...or was that his mouth? I laid there puzzled for a few seconds and then I figured it out.

My Growing Ginko

The Ginko

The one thing that I hated giving up when we moved from Florida to Chicago, were my live oak trees. especially the large one that I planted from a stick in 1993. By the time we moved out it was a mature beauty with Spanish Moss dripping from its branches. In my back yard here in Chicago, I have been dreaming of creating a patio centered around a large shade tree. That is hard to do when you buy a house with not one single tree in the yard. I now have four trees struggling towards the sky. The one I planted in the back yard, that is to be the center of my patio, is doing the best. Seriously, when I stuck that little stick in the ground in 2016 it came up to my belt. This summer it grew until it towered a full six inches over my head. At that rate I should start planning the patio now. Allowing for my slow rate of project completion, if I start now I should have it done when that tree is thirty feet high. I have an idea of how I want it to look, something like this.

But let's face it. I'm not going to pop loose the bucks to do a patio that nice. No, my patio will probably look more like this.

Mom's Grape Juice

Mom at about the halfway mark. Only five of us.

Looking back at my childhood I am in awe of my mom. Eleven kids, not all of us the most well behaved, and she handled it. Poopy diapers, wet sheets, feeding the horde breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Baths, house cleaning, breaking up fights, and keeping count to make sure she didn't inadvertently misplace one us. Mom not only had those eleven independent minds to keep in line, she had my dad to take care of. He was loud and in charge when he was around. Mom did all that and only went through one bottle of Mogen David Wine a week.

Mark has gone through a rough patch lately. He's had some health problems that have rendered him pretty much house bound. He was getting better until that Bell's Palsy thing hit him last Saturday. The good thing is that he is slowly, very slowly, been improving all week. However, he hasn't been able to cook for me, he can't go shopping (Possible blessing there), and he has turned over the entire running of the house to me. I was brilliant when I was only taking care of myself, but now I have myself, two dogs, and Mark. At times I have felt like getting in the car and just driving away until I hit an ocean. So many interruptions to my Facebook time.

"Alan, I need some water."

"Alan, fetch my meds."

"Alan, time for my sponge bath."

"Alan, feed me."

"Alan, help me put on my pants."

 Again, I am in awe of Mom. Last week I went through four bottles of wine, a few beers, and a couple of vodka cocktails. Really Mom, only one bottle of Mogen David? 

Ring My Bell

Some of you may be too young to know this, but this is

Don Knotts. He played 'The Nervous Man' on the 

Steve Allen Show back in the 1950s. Sometimes

Mark reminds me of him.

Mark is a nervous type. He tends to panic easily, so sometimes I don't react as quickly as I should. On Saturday he kept complaining about a pain in his ear and that he was dizzy. Nothing new there, the dizzy part. Then late Saturday evening I heard him screaming about his face.

"What's happening? My face, something's wrong with my face!"

I took note of that and continued watching my movie on the television. He then came stumbling into the living room.

"Look at my face, my eye. It's drooping, I'm having a stroke."

I looked up at him and he was correct, he had a problem. So I gave him an aspirin.

"Do you want me to take you to the Emergency Room?" 
"I don't know, I'm dying...  "

Then I remembered that because Mark had been to the ER three times this year, they had me sign him up for home care. I looked in the folder they gave us to see what they wanted me to do, and it said to call the home care people first. So I did.

"I think Mark is having a stroke." I told them, and then I listed the symptoms. This was around 10:30PM. I was told that a nurse would call me back. I waited and at 11:30PM the nurse called. I explained what was happening. With a sigh, the nurse responded.

"Okay, I was just up there in that neighborhood. It will take me an hour and a half to get back up there. I'm in South Holland now."

So I waited. All this time Mark was in a panic.

"This is a stroke, I'm having a stroke. When will she be here? I'm going to die before she gets here."

One hour and a half later the phone rang.

"Are you here? I don't see anybody out there." I said, assuming it was the nurse.

"Umm.. no. Is this Mark? I'm in Libertyville. I'm the nurse."

"No, this is Alan. I thought you were in South Holland. I thought you said you'd be here by now."

The nurse on the phone seemed a bit confused, but assured me that she would be there in one hour. Now I was confused.

"But what happened to the nurse from South Holland?"
The nurse from Libertyville made up some story about the other nurse having another patient to visit, and then she hung up. Now another hour went by and Mark was babbling on and on about having a stroke. No matter what I told him, he was sure he was having a stroke. I could see he was using both arms, he was walking, and he was talking normal. The only thing odd was that the left side of his face looked like it was melting off the bone. Finally, at two in the morning, the nurse arrived causing the dogs to go crazy. I wrangled them into the kitchen and locked the gate. Scout continued to bark. Chandler went to sleep. After explaining to the nurse what the problem was, a stroke according to Mark, she informed us that she was not a doctor and couldn't diagnose him. This sent Mark into a tizzy.

"It's a stroke. I'm having a stroke. Look at me... Oh my god... It's a goddamned stroke!"

The nurse sat there and said nothing while Mark continued to scream at her. Finally I stepped in.

"Mark, you aren't having a stroke. Quit saying that word, stroke. Something is happening but it is not a stroke."

Everybody shut up for a moment. That's when I asked the nurse if it could be Bell's Palsy. I've known other people with that affliction and that is what it was looking like to me. The nurse, who I will call Clarice, looked surprised and then consulted with her smart phone. She quickly paged through Google and said, "Yes, it could be that."

Well for krissakes, I could have done that. I could be a Google nurse. So today Mark will call his doctor and I will call that healthcare at home place. The doctor will help Mark with his Bell's Palsy, and we will adjust the home healthcare thing.