Shopping, Part One

Yesterday was a big day for me. I was going shopping without Mark, armed only with a list, Mark's debit card, and my phone. I hate shopping, but it's Labor Day, and I figured the store would be empty. Because who the hell goes grocery shopping on Labor Day. Apparently everybody. The store was packed and there wasn't one shopping cart available unless you schlepped one in from the parking lot. However, I am getting ahead of myself. It was the drive over there that should have been a forewarning. Along the route to the Jewel store there are numerous stop signs. I, being the conscientious driver that I am, came to a full stop at one of those stop signs. That's when a big, black Mercedes pulled up behind me, almost tapping my bumper. Just as I started moving forward again the asshole in the Mercedes honked his horn. It seems he didn't like it that I obeyed the law and stopped for the stop sign. So of course I did the double stop with him still inches away from my bumper. This infuriated him. The man in the giant penis substitute, Mercedes, roared up alongside me, in the bicycle lane, and rolled down his window. Much yelling and middle finger giving ensued. It was when he pulled in front of me (Because a Ford Fusion cannot out run a Mercedes), that I remembered something. Everybody in Chicago is carrying a gun, at all times, except for me. So I backed off and made my way into the Jewel parking lot.

Tomorrow, Part Two