Lost in the Supermarket

Another Saturday, another trip to the supermarket. As has become the custom, Mark made up a shopping list for me and I toddled off to the store alone. Mark is very good at putting the list in the order that I move through the store. Deli first, then produce, followed by the meat department, and on and on in order. I should have known something was wrong when I told the deli lady that I wanted sliced corned beef, the stuff on sale for $9.99. She mumbled something about that price, but then proceeded to slice my corned beef. I went through the produce department without any drama, but when I got to the meats things started to get odd. So I picked up my phone and called Mark.

"Mark, where did you see the lil' Smokies sausages on sale for $2.50? The tag says $3.99."

"It's in the circular that came to the house."

"Well that's not what it says here."

"I hate that store."

Again, when I went to pick up bagels, the price on the tag was not what Mark had written on the list. So I called him again.

"Now what?"

"Thomas bagels aren't buy one, get one free. They are on sale, but that's not what the price will be."

"Are you sure? It's right there on the first page of the circular."

I had picked up a circular just to be sure.

"What the hell are you talking about? There's nothing on the front of the circular about bagels."

"Waaaaa..... I hate you."

I continued shopping. Now I had got to the part of Mark's list where he tells me that I must buy the following items in multiples of ten. The dreaded bundling ploy. I just wish the supermarket would stop with that crap. Anyway, I start filling the cart with ten cans of chicken broth when I notice the tag does not say 'Must buy in multiples of ten. Mix or Match.' I go to another aisle to get canned tomatoes. Again, the price does not match Mark's list. So I call him... again.

"Mark, nothing is matching up with your list. Are you quite sure you looked at the correct week?"

"Waaaa.. goddamnit. I'm never going to that store again. This is just bullshit." he screamed into the phone.

Suddenly it dawned on me.

"Mark, what store am I supposed to be shopping in?"

"Mariano's. You are at Mariano's aren't you?"

"Ooooh... No, I'm at the Jewel store."

"You idiot. Just leave that cart full of crap there and go over to Mariano's. What the hell is wrong with you? I wrote 'Mariano's right on the top of the list."

"No you didn't."

"Squawk.. sputter... YES I DID! RIGHT THERE ON TOP!!!"

I looked at the list again. It did not say Mariano's at the top. This is what it said.

 Thank goodness the liquor lady was there giving out free samples.