Goldilocks

 

As much as I hated shopping with Mark, he used to hate going shopping with me for shoes. I have weird feet. Wide at the ball of the foot, and narrow at the heel. Besides that, there was my neuroma problem where it always feels like I have a pebble in my shoe. So I would go into a shoe store and start trying on shoes. All kinds of shoes looking for one pair that fit and didn't hurt. Meanwhile Mark would be sighing and whining, but I hung in there even if it took trying on fifty pair.

Three months ago I walked into the La-z-boy furniture store looking for a new recliner chair. La-z-boy is famous for high quality crap so I figured that was where I would find the chair of my dreams. I started at the front of the store, plopping down in chair after chair. This one is too big, this one  is too ugly. Nope, my feet hang off the end too far, and this one is for tiny little people. My head is hanging off the back like a victim in Sweeny Todd. After testing most of the chairs in the place, I found one I liked. As the salesman was writing me up, I spied another chair. Just one more chair for me to try. I sat down, the clouds parted, and angels sang. I had finally found the perfect recliner chair. My feet didn't hang off the end and my head was well supported. Even better, it held my entire body in its arms like a mother holding an infant. This was the one. I gave the salesman my credit card and after a bunch of tapping away at his computer, he told me it was all done. I would be getting my chair in May. The problem is that it was February. Could I wait that long? Yes, I waited and I kept telling myself it was all worth it because this was the most comfortable chair I had ever sat in. Well, the chair is here and it is not the chair that was in the store. It is not the chair that I had sat in that gave me an orgasm. Sure, it looks like the chair. The right color, the right size and shape, but it is not the chair. The chair that took three months to deliver is not comfortable. Yes, I fell asleep in it almost immediately, but when I woke up my back was killing me. The chair is lumpy and I hate it. Man, I don't think I'll ever find the one that's just right. I'll bet the casket they bury me in will be lumpy and I'll hate that too.