Scout and I Visit One Of My Seven Sisters

 

For four days I have been trying to figure out how to tell this story without giving instructions to burglars on how to break into my sister's house. So here it is. While it is a true story, none of the facts are necessarily in order or even factual. Without explicit instructions from my sister, you will probably end up dead at the bottom of the stairs.

On Saturday Scout and I went out to my sister's house for a visit. I stopped at the bakery and picked up some goodies on the way, which is always the right thing to do. Better than bringing a bottle of wine. Unless you're visiting me, then bring the wine...  and the bakery goods. My sister told me she would be home by two in the afternoon, but I got there about thirty minutes early because I always drive much faster than I think I will drive. So I call my sister from her driveway and she tells me, in a long and convoluted explanation, how to get into her house without a key. Her first instruction was, "Find a twig, a thin twig. Now go down the stairs and around the corner of the house and look for a tiny hole. Stick the twig in the hole and the garage door will open." Much to my surprise, the garage door opened. However, I had forgot the rest of the instructions. Most homes have a door in the garage that leads right into the kitchen. I thought I found that door, but I ended up in the back yard, not the kitchen. I called my sister back.

"Okay, I'm in the garage. The only door I see goes to the back yard."

"Good. As you face that door, to your right, are some stairs. Go down those stairs."

I had hit the button that closed the garage door and now it was pitch black in garage.

"I don't see anything."

"Find the stairs and when you do, a light will come on."

Meanwhile, Scout is tugging and pulling on her leash, which is a good thing because she now pulled me over to the stairs, which I almost fell down, which triggered the motion detector light. The LED on the radio next to my bed is brighter than the light at the bottom of the stairs in my sister's garage. Scout and I gingerly made our way down. Well, I did. Scout just kept tugging on the leash, trying to pull me to my death.

"Okay, I'm down. There is a door that seems to be locked."

"It's not locked. You have to slam into it with your shoulder."

Which I did, which scared Scout who then tried to drag me back up the stairs. The door opened and ahead of me stretched a long... I'll say corridor, but really, it looked more like the tunnel entrance to Dracula's lair. Between me and the end of the corridor was a sump pump hole and about a hundred spider webs. I didn't fall into the sump pump hole, but I did get my share of spider web in my face. Four days later and I still think I feel spiders down the back of my shirt. 

"Go down the corridor until you come out into the laundry room."

Sure enough. At the end of the corridor there was a room with a washer and dryer.

"Good, you see the laundry. That means you're in. We'll be home in a short while."

I was in, but I still had to find my way up stairs while Scout clamored to escape. Not sure where she was going to escape to, but she wanted out.

So, for any burglar who thinks they can read this and figure out how to get into my sister's house without a key. It isn't worth it. Just break the damn window and walk in.