The Politics of Dogs

 

I walk my dog Scout at least once a day, sometimes twice. One thing I am very careful of is to not piss off any neighbors who don't take as kindly to dogs pissing on their lawns as I might. There are my neighbor's Mildred and Caesar who have the most manicured yard on our street. Perfectly cut, perfectly planted flowers, and not a weed in sight. So I hold Scout in check as we waddle past that house and the one next door. That one belongs to Sam who seems to be in competition with Caesar and Mildred. He's losing, but I don't let Scout piss there anyway. Then there is the three flat on the corner of Thorndale and Fairfield. The guy who owns that place hates dogs. He used to put little signs in his yard that said things like, "Pick up your dog shit!!", and "How about if I shit in your yard?" He isn't wrong. So I make sure Scout doesn't shit in his yard. He's put up a wrought iron fence anyway, so she's not likely to poop there. Over on Washtenaw there is an old coot, and I say that because I'm pretty sure he's older than me, who also hates dogs. Last year the city cut down the giant tree in the parkway in front of his house. Old Coot was out there after they chopped down that tree, and as I walked by with Scout I asked him if he was going to have another tree planted  there. "The city will plant a tree for free. All you have to do is ask." Anyway, Old Coot looked at me and said, "Why the fuck should I? Your goddamned dog will only piss on it and kill it." I was surprised, and all I could mutter as Scout and I waddled away was, "I'm not sure that's how it works." So to this day, I do not let Scout even think about pissing on his fucking tree that the city planted for free.

Out in front of my house there was no tree when I moved in. So I called the city and they planted a nice maple. This year I put one of my old Model A tires around that tree and planted flowers within the tire. Kind of cute, but the flowers are looking very sickly. They don't seem to be very robust and I think I know why. Yesterday evening I watched in horror as a big male Rottweiler lifted his leg and pissed all over my flowers. Worst of all, Scout simply sat there in the window and didn't bark at him. I think she was impressed. My poor little marigolds. No wonder they aren't growing very well out there. However, I did not throw open the window and yell at the guy for letting his dog piss on my flowers. The hell if I'm going to be known as one of the old coots of the neighborhood.