Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Special Election

In some ways I am old fashioned. Yesterday, Mark and I went over to the church where our polling place is and voted. We could have pre-voted, but like I say, I can be old fashioned and like to vote on the actual day. I like to think it's more exciting that way, but it isn't. This election was for sheriff, some judges, and some kind of amendment that seemed to make sense, but will probably just cost me more taxes if I vote for it.

When we walked in, the ten election workers all perked up and dropped their cards and crossword puzzles at the sight of actual voters. When they all settled down, one of the workers processed me while the other nine sat around and watched. When she was done and handed me a ballot, another official showed me to a shaky little table or 'booth', where I could vote. After voting for my sure losers for sheriff and state representative, I moved on to vote for the judges.

I don't know why they have us vote for judges. Unless they have done something horrible, like convicting me of jaywalking, I almost never know anything about them. So I always employ my special 'judging of the judges' criteria, which I base totally on my prejudices and the candidates last name. I am looking for liberal judges, so I separate them into six categories. Jewish names, Spanish surname, black sounding names, white-bread names, funny names, and last of all, redneck names. I almost never vote for somebody with a name like Bobby "Bubba" Clampett, unless of course their nick-name is really colorful and original. There was a guy I always voted for in Chicago just because his nick-name was "Bus", as in Barney "Bus" Phyfe. I had no idea if the guy was any good or not, I just enjoyed seeing his name on the ballot and picturing him in my mind. As for how I use my categories, I'm not telling, but if a black Cuban named, 'Billy Bob "Scratchy" Goldberg' were running, I'd be mighty confused.


  1. Your vote may have counted, but for what? Are you actually bragging about being so ill informed? Shame on you.

  2. Anonymous@ Sorry, I forgot that some people don't read everything, and that they may miss my disclaimer which is on the right side of the page. For your benefit I will repeat it here.

    This blog is in no way to be considered as fact. It is my remembrances of things I think happened to me, and I often EXAGGERATE for comedic effect.
    Please feel free to comment, good or bad.

  3. When it comes to voting for judges, I always vote NO for all of them unless there has been one that did an outstanding good thing. But unfortunately those are few and far between. Politics sucks.

  4. Whatever you do Don't vote for any lawyes who run for office! And don't vote for anything labeled as a "millage", "bond", or "proposal" because they will all raise or continue your already high property taxes. So don't vote to tax yourself especially when our government is sending much of our hard earned taxes to every freaken foreign country that asks for money or needs us to rebuild their country because our government blew the bejesus out of them in a war.

  5. You just voted, how could you forget so soon. Of course, comic effect, ha,ha,ho, ho,Yes, you are so ill informed, that is funny. Did you notice, all the generalizations; always vote no,don't vote for lawyers,don't vote for bonds, millage. Take a few hours and get informed.Skip south park.

  6. Poor anonymous... must have been born without a funnybone. Must be really sad to be sooooo serious about everything. Too bad he/she doesn't realize that the politicians are laughing like hell behind his/her back!! Thanks for the exaggerated satiric humor Alan!!!