Special Election

In some ways I am old fashioned. Yesterday, Mark and I went over to the church where our polling place is and voted. We could have pre-voted, but like I say, I can be old fashioned and like to vote on the actual day. I like to think it's more exciting that way, but it isn't. This election was for sheriff, some judges, and some kind of amendment that seemed to make sense, but will probably just cost me more taxes if I vote for it.

When we walked in, the ten election workers all perked up and dropped their cards and crossword puzzles at the sight of actual voters. When they all settled down, one of the workers processed me while the other nine sat around and watched. When she was done and handed me a ballot, another official showed me to a shaky little table or 'booth', where I could vote. After voting for my sure losers for sheriff and state representative, I moved on to vote for the judges.

I don't know why they have us vote for judges. Unless they have done something horrible, like convicting me of jaywalking, I almost never know anything about them. So I always employ my special 'judging of the judges' criteria, which I base totally on my prejudices and the candidates last name. I am looking for liberal judges, so I separate them into six categories. Jewish names, Spanish surname, black sounding names, white-bread names, funny names, and last of all, redneck names. I almost never vote for somebody with a name like Bobby "Bubba" Clampett, unless of course their nick-name is really colorful and original. There was a guy I always voted for in Chicago just because his nick-name was "Bus", as in Barney "Bus" Phyfe. I had no idea if the guy was any good or not, I just enjoyed seeing his name on the ballot and picturing him in my mind. As for how I use my categories, I'm not telling, but if a black Cuban named, 'Billy Bob "Scratchy" Goldberg' were running, I'd be mighty confused.