Wednesday, July 21, 2010

My Chauffeur

One of my earliest memories in life is being pushed along by my mom in an old canvas baby buggy. I found it quite a pleasant experience, riding along wedged between a couple of bags of groceries while sucking in fresh air scented with musty canvas. Life was good that first year. I had my own form of personal transport, I had my mom to wait on me day and night, and I could piss in my pants without getting yelled at. The only thing that could ruin an outing in the old buggy was when my whiny older sister would tire out, and then mom would jam her in next to me.

The allure of the automobile might stem from those days. I know I couldn't wait until I turned sixteen and got my license. For forty years after that occasion I spent at least half of my life behind the wheel. That's why it was so hard for me to give it up when my doctor told me I was too damn blind to be driving.
"If you have a bad accident and I'm subpoenaed Alan, I'll have to tell them, that guy can't see shit."
So I quit driving.
Now, after more than five years I've got used to it. I don't get the urge to jump in the car and take off. Instead I now have Mark to haul my ass around town, and despite what you're thinking I don't sit in the back like Miss Daisy and nag him. I do that from the front passenger seat.

Yesterday we had to take the car in to have it checked out before our big trip up north, and I have discovered just how much I have adapted to this set up. Without the car available for Mark, I was miserable. Not because he couldn't drive me here and there. No, I was miserable because I was stuck at home with him all day. I assume he was also miserable, he couldn't get to the mall.

5 comments:

  1. You're better off not having to deal with all the traffic crazies out there. It's a mess, I tell ya. The only time I let F-bombs fly is when I'm driving around town, and dealing with other drivers. It's not worth the trouble!!

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  2. your whiney older sisterJuly 21, 2010 at 11:00 PM

    Ahem!! The baby in THAT buggy in the picture is ME!!! You would be the little piss-ass intruder who kicked ME out of my rightful place in the Mom-trolley. BTW, poor attempt at photoshop on this one!

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  3. YWOS, Yes the photoshop is crude, but I left it that way because it's funnier. I love how you hammed it up even at that age, giving the little Miss America wave.

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  4. And I love how your picture fits in so well with that Miss America wave!!

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  5. If they had 'Toddlers and Tiaras' back then, Alan would have been a shoe in for Little Miss Buggy Whip.

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