Red Hot Mama

I went out to visit with Mom yesterday. Mark wasn't feeling up to the drive so I went alone. I did bring her some of Mark's grilled chicken kabobs and homemade mac and cheese. I also stopped at Culver's to get her a vanilla milkshake. When I got to Ma's house, I opened the front door and stepped through the gates of hell. Mom had the furnace on with the temperature set somewhere between ninety degrees and molten lava. The heat coming from the vents in the house rivaled the Santa Ana Winds and I was already sweating as I walked through the living room.

"Hey Mom, it's me!"
 I always yell that out as I make my way through the house so as to let her know I'm there and not scare the crap out of her. I put the food and shake on the kitchen counter and said hello.

"Kind of hot in here today, isn't it?" I said as sweat dripped into my eyes.

"Really? I thought it was chilly."

As I gasped for air, I put some chicken, and mac and cheese on a plate for Mom, then we sat down at the kitchen table. She looked at the food, then looked at the vanilla shake, then she started talking. She talked about many things but never touched her food.

"Why aren't you eating? Mark made that food."

"Actually, my stomach hurts. I think I'll save it for later."

So I took her food, wrapped it in Saran Wrap, and put it in the refrigerator. She did drink the vanilla shake though. She always drinks the vanilla shake. I sat back down and started chatting while I slowly melted from the heat, and Mom says, "Is it chilly in here? Aren't you chilly?"

"No Ma, in fact it is very, very warm in here."

"I'm chilly. Go ahead and close that window over there."

I hadn't even noticed that the window was open. But like a good son I got up and closed off the only source of fresh air in the house. Finally, after two hours of chit chat, watching Mom not eat her lunch, and sweating my balls off, it was time to leave. As I made my way to the front door Mom stopped and looked at thermostat in the hallway.

"Oh dear, I didn't know the heat was on. My, my, and it's set for ninety degrees." She said as she reached up and turned it off.