Cologuard®

Well, I finally got that thing out of my house. Yesterday I went by the UPS Store and dropped off the box of Cologuard®. I have to say, it did feel a little weird sending sewage overnight to Wisconsin via United Parcel Service. Yes, Wisconsin. That's where you send the box so the contents can be tested. If you don't know what Cologuard® is, just Google it.

The only reason I allowed the doctor to order that product for me, was to lessen the chance I might need a colonoscopy. Something I never want to go through again. So, the Cologuard® kit consists of a container the size and shape of a coffee canister and a bracket for hanging it in the toilet. Very intimidating, because if you are a grown adult with a grown adult ass, you have to have good aim. I was so intimidated, that the kit sat on my office floor for over three weeks. About two weeks ago I moved it next to the toilet figuring it would inspire me. Yesterday I was inspired and I finally got the courage up to do the deed. As horrible as the process was, it was a hundred times better than a colonoscopy. Still, I thought about that place in Wisconsin where it was to be sent for examination. I've had some pretty bad jobs in my life. One week as a roofer, two years working a factory job, and two days as an ice cream truck driver. But never in a million years can I imagine taking the job of opening up that box I just sent to Wisconsin.