Hummmm.....

What kind of guy isn't satisfied with a Cadillac Escalade or GMC Yukon, and feels compelled to buy a Hummer H2, a truck designed for military use? The other night I took Chandler out for his late evening walk before I went to bed. It is usually a nice quiet walk, where Chandler can poop on peoples lawns and I don't have to pick it up because it's dark. On this particular evening we were approaching the end of the block when a giant yellow Hummer H2, with all the chrome bells and whistles, came speeding around the corner. I find it quite intimidating to have a four ton truck bearing down on me as I walk my dog in the dark, and I yelled out, "Slow it down!" as it whizzed by. Over my shoulder I could see the brake lights come on and the Hummer shift into reverse.

From inside the cavernous, darkened vehicle, came the voice of a man yelling at me, "Don't walk so close to the edge of the road. I can't see you there!". In other words, he thought that I should walk my dog in the middle of the road so that he could see us as he sped around a blind corner, or maybe he just wanted to have a better crack at hitting me. I yelled back, "Just slow it down!". He shouted back accusing me of trying to get hit, and this awoke the Big Al in me. I immediately started channeling my father, and words like asshole, and jackass began spewing out. I am generally not afraid of walking late in the evening, most people won't challenge a guy walking a large dog, and I didn't have to worry about this dweeb in a Hummer. As he drove off yelling and shouting, the last word I could make out coming from inside the Hummer was "Faggot!". Faggot? Is it really that obvious?

So why does somebody need to spend over fifty thousand dollars on a vehicle that can't be parked in a standard parking space? Why a vehicle that gets under ten miles per gallon and has less usable space for hauling things than most other SUV's? Besides a self image that is wanting, and a need for people to notice you, I think the answer might be obvious. Overcompensation for what is known in medical terms as 'Micropenis'.