The Russellgate Affair

A week ago, while we were in Chicago, I had left my friend Russell to watch over Casa Alan. We have done this before and have never had any problems, so when I saw his incoming call I was concerned. "Bad news!", he informed me. 'Holy shit' I thought, the dog is sick, one of the cats is hurt, the house caught on fire, all sorts of scenarios flooded my head. Breathlessly Russell told me, "The front gate fell down!". "We've managed to prop it back up, and wire it to the wall, but I don't know if that will hold! We're giving it all we've got Alan!" Well maybe that last part isn't true, but it's not like my house is the Enterprise, and it's going to be sucked into a black hole if the gate isn't up and working. It's just a gate. All it means is that I'll have another little chore to do when I get home.

So this weekend I dug two new post holes, put in two new posts, poured concrete around them, and re-hung the gate. I think I did a pretty nifty job, and for all the half-assed jobs I've done around here I think this one turned out pretty good. After all, I was only one eighth of an inch off, and the gate almost closes perfectly if you give it a good shove. The big problem came later. It seems that my actually doing some physical labor out in the front yard inspired Mark to go out and do some landscaping.

Here is how our home is divided. Mark has full say on how the inside is decorated, and what the back yard looks like. I get to take care of the front yard, and I get to pay all the expenses associated with maintaining the house. Fair enough, so when Mark started screwing with my front yard I kind of went nuts and yelled at him. "What the hell are you doing? Quit blowing all those leaves out into the parking lot!", I shouted. Mark ignored me and continued to blow crap all around, creating a huge mess out front. Well, from there things went down hill fast, and within minutes we were cursing at each other, and making disparaging remarks about each others physical abilities. The argument finally came to a head when we got to the point of locking each other out of the house, and screaming insane insults at each other. At this point, despite the neighbors clamoring for more entertainment, we finally calmed down and went inside.

I have to confess, Mark did a nice little job out there. He planted some flowers, and cleaned up most of the loose leaves laying around. My only problem is that now I have to water those flowers, and the leaves I allow to gather under the trees that serve as a mulch to keep down the weeds, are gone. So I guess Mark could say he won that argument because now the front yard looks nice, but I'll never admit it.