Spit on It

I guess that I started out with a negative view of the airline we took to Chicago last weekend when the red ink ran out on my printer. After printing out our boarding passes the airline logo looked like Spi it, and I started calling it Spit Airlines.

Years ago, when I first started flying, all tickets were the same price. Nobody who paid $400 was sitting next to someone who only paid $98, and once the plane was in the air, you were showered with free sodas, water, and a meal served on a nice little dish with real flatware. Of course, back then I would have been writing this on a clunky old typewriter. Times have changed.

My first inkling that Spit airlines was going to nickel, and dime me to death was after buying the low cost ticket that was advertised. Immediately after purchasing the ticket online, a screen came up that asked if I wanted to choose my seat now. Sure, let's get to it, and I clicked on two seats. $64 was immediately added to the price of my airfare. Welcome to the new age of air travel where buying a ticket to the plane doesn't buy you a seat. I wondered, do they have straps hanging from the ceiling like on the subway? After giving in to the fact that I was going to be charged for sitting, I decided I might as well go ahead and buy one of the most comfortable seats up front. After all, I was just getting over the boil on my ass, and I figured if I have to pay, I might as well be comfy. It was when we got on board that I realized just how greedy and petty Spit airlines was. They not only charged me six dollars for a little bottle of vodka, if I wanted a vodka/soda I had to order a separate can of club soda for another three dollars. The real shocker came later when the guy across the aisle asked the flight attendant for a cup of water. It seems that after waiting three hours on the ground for our flight to take off, and the actual flight taking an hour longer than advertised because the pilot had to fly around weather, the poor guy was thirsty. "I'm sorry sir," she told him, "I can't give you water. We're only allowed to give a passenger water if they have to take a pill."  I watched in amazement as everyone within earshot suddenly had to take a pill. I of course chimed right in, except I let her know that my doctor wanted me to wash it down with some vodka. The final bill for this flight to Chicago was $628. I could have flown a real airline for more than $100 less. No more Spit for me, ever.