Bad Pussy

When I named my yard cats Lindsey Lohan, and Britney Spears, it was supposed to be sort of tongue in cheek. I didn't expect the little kitties to actually go out carousing at night, get high on catnip, and behave like little sluts. Apparently I was wrong. It seems that little Lindsey has gone and got herself pregnant. When Abandoned Pet Rescue gave me the two darlings, I was assured that they were both spayed, and had all their shots. Somewhere, somebody made a mistake because this past week my friend Russell congratulated me on becoming a daddy. He pointed out the swollen belly on Lindsey, and her ripening nipples, "She's pregnant Alan. You're going to be a daddy."

Well no I'm not. No way am I going to bring more kittens into the world when we have dozens at the shelter, not to mention the hundred plus full grown cats there. Lindsey was going to have to go to the kitty-cat abortion clinic. Even though I really didn't want to, I knew that It was necessary. As we were driving over there, I was envisioning a line of cats marching around the place with little protest signs, 'Stop the killing' and 'kitty murderer'. I was afraid the leader of the cat church would condemn me for sins against feline-kind. None of that happened. In fact nobody was at all upset at the shelter when I told them I was getting Lindsey an abortion. I guess when you have to clean out dozens of litter boxes a day, kitten prevention is a good thing.

I can't imagine how hard that decision would be for a human to make about a human pregnancy. As it was, I felt guilty for terminating a few kittens. Lindsey is back home now, kitten-less, and properly spayed. She was greeted by Britney with a nuzzle, and a good sniffing. I've given strict instructions to the both of them, keep your legs together, and no more flashing the neighborhood toms.