You have to understand that it had been building since we walked in the door of the Publix. The first thing I encountered as I pushed the cart through the door was an obese woman and her kids. They were blocking all access to the store while she scanned the sales brochure looking to see if she could afford to pack on more fat. With a gentle nudge of the cart against her ass, she finally got the hint and moved on only to reveal another obese couple. This time it was two gay 'bears' chatting away in the middle of the aisle, probably comparing notes on what removes back hair better, Nair or Epilady.
After negotiating my way past them, I finally got to the pet food aisle where I encountered a man standing in front of the cat food with his cart. He was staring intently at the shelves, oblivious to all around him, seemingly trying to levitate the cans into his cart. It wasn't working so I squeezed myself in between him and the cat food to retrieve a case of Nine Lives, and a bag of Friskies. This apparently awoke him from his trance, and excusing himself he pushed his cart over my toes, and moved it a whole three feet down where he continued to stare at the cat food.
I am not a good shopper. Mark seems so at ease in a store. It's like he was born to roam the aisles, and is naturally drawn to the best deals. He slips between the fat people, and around the displays like a cat on a hunt, while I lumber through like a crazed bull. That's why when I approached the checkout counters, and spotted two short lines out of the five, I started rolling fast towards them, scaring people out of my path. Just as I got to the first one a young woman pulled into the lane. Fine, I kept moving and went for the next one, except the young woman changed her mind and she went for that one. That's when I blurted out, "For Christ sakes, make up your mind!"
I didn't mean to shout it out, but something snapped and out it came. The reaction was swift. Heads spun around to see who the asshole was, and the young lady shrunk back, sputtering apologies. I have to tell you, I did feel like an asshole, but at least I was the first asshole in line.
That completely rocks!! I have no patience in the stores. Hate them with a passion.
ReplyDeleteIgnorant people are EXACTLY why I hate shopping. Today I also had a blurt-out experience in the "10 items or less" lane. I had 10 items, the woman in front of me had a cart filled to the top. Since I have never seen a checker tell someone that they are in the wrong lane, I decided to inform her. "This is the 10 item lane..." she didn't look up so I repeated it a bit louder. NO response or even a glance at me so out it came- "I guess you're deaf as well as blind!" You never saw anyone pay and scurry out as fast as she did so at least it did some good! But next time I'm going in that line with 11 items, harrumph!
ReplyDeleteNo matter what you're shopping for, shopping sucks. And it's mostly because of the ignorant people that you encounter while shopping. I've always hated shopping and always will.
ReplyDeleteAnother crab, so is it exactly ten items in the cart, or ten things. Like if you have ten cans of cat food, that's one thing, and two packages of toilet paper, that's another thing, and maybe five cartons of Blue Bell pistachio/almond ice cream. That's only three things.
ReplyDelete..and lest we forget another of Alan's pet peeves. He can choose any checkout line in the store and he will most undoubtably get stuck behind the one person who waits until the cashier asks for payment before deciding to either 1. Open her purse and look for her check book. Then when she finds it she then can't find a pen to fill it out or she finds it and it is out of ink. She then asks the cashier for a pen in which the cashier searches for one and that one too may be out of ink so she then has to go ask another cashier to borrow hers. By the time this transaction is complete the people in the next line who were 8 customers behind your position are now leaving the store and you're pissed. or 2. The person ahead of you also decides to wait for the cashiers request for payment before searching for their cash. Of course they are short of money and thus have to decide which items that are already bagged up to return to the cashier for restocking. or 3. The person ahead of you also decides to wait for the cashiers request for payment before searching for their credit/debit card and their card(s) keep getting declined so they start looking for their check book but realize they have no checks left so they try to resort to cash in which they are way short so they decide to put everything on hold and ask run to their car cause they have to ask their husband for money but never return out of embarrassment. or lastly. The cashier closes just as you get to her station and you look around and all the other lines have over 12 people in line. Sound familiar, Alan.
ReplyDeleteGaret, people still use checks?
ReplyDeleteI hate, hate, hate grocery shopping. I love Peapod. I shop on line, schedule a delivery time, and they bring everything right to my kitche. Now if I could just find someway to get them to put the stuff away!
ReplyDeleteI'd leave a comment but I'm too busy laughing...
ReplyDeletejackie
bliss farm antiques
ps can I come shopping with you sometime????? please? please? puuleeesse????
I know Jackie - wouldn't you just love to shop with Alan and Mark? It always sounds like they have such a great adventure shopping instead of the same boring crap I encounter when I go!!
ReplyDeleteUmmm, Uncle Alan? Did you ever say "Excuse me?" What about that poor young lady, she might not have deliberately changed lanes just to drive you over the edge. Did you apologize to her? I say "deliberately" because my Dad believes that people really do "DELIBERATELY" do stupid things to aggrivate him. :)
ReplyDeleteI have to admit, I do bring a shopping cart FULL of food and baby/toddler essentials into the 10 items or less isle. When there are only 4 other lanes open and they are 4 deep with overflowing baskets, I go straight to 10 items or less. It's usally pretty quick, I love it! I think the other shoppers would appreciate waiting in line just a min or two longer instead of listening to my 2 boys for the 15 minutes the other lines would take. Oh, and by the way, I wrote 3 checks today, Gas, Groceries and Dog food. I forgot my debit at home. I had to ask if they still took checks!
Madonna, I give you 30 more years and you will be the crabby P--z complaining about the people who are deliberately annoying you! I believe we can all thank our Dad for the "impatience" gene. He was always in a hurry!
ReplyDelete