For Rent

Once again one of my tenants is moving out, and I've had a parade of misfits, dead beats, and unsavory characters coming by to look at the available apartment. What the hell happened to all the nice people? If you have a job, have never been evicted, don't smoke, aren't an alcoholic who refuses to share, don't store food under the bed, don't flush your drugs down the toilet when you suspect the cops are out front when it is only me walking my dog (it clogs the sewer), the drug you do, do is only a little bit of marijuana, aren't a loud asshole, keep a clean home, have no easily communicable diseases that can penetrate a wall, and pay your rent every month, then you can rent this apartment. $1050 for strangers, or $995 for those who I deem worthy of whore rates. Being insane is not a barrier to renting as long as your insanity is a quiet insanity. Also, I not only allow dogs and cats, I encourage it, to a point. No cat hoarders or Iditarod dog teams. Two of each should be sufficient for anybody. One last thing, if you bring a dog or cat with you, please when you leave, take them with you.