When White Guys Talk

An important fact in this little story is the fact that Mark is of the Negro persuasion. He may be a little Jewish American Princess in his head, but he is a Black man, his skin has a high degree of melanin in it.

I used to have a tree trimming company come by every year and thin out the branches on my big trees. It keeps them from becoming like a giant umbrella during a hurricane. You know, when the wind whips the umbrella out of your hands and it goes flying. The last time they came by to do that, the crew was accompanied by the elderly owner in his big green pickup truck. I stepped over to say hello, we hadn't met before, and to try and get a better price from him. Within one minute he started going on about the niggers that lived in our neighborhood. Even as Mark stepped out of the gate, walked past his pickup truck and got into our car, he continued to let me know that there were too many niggers on our street. Instead of asking him if he could trim our trees for less money, I told him we wouldn't need his services that year. When his son showed up the next year, I told him why we wouldn't be needing his services.

Yesterday one of my neighbors stopped to chat as I walked by with the dogs.

            "Did you know that three Black people moved in down on the corner?" he asked.

I looked at him for a moment knowing that this man knew Mark lived with me. I had to think, was he telling me this because he thought I might be intrigued, that I have a hankering for Black guys? Did he think he was doing me a favor giving me a heads up so that I might have first crack at the hot new Black guys?

            "It's a man and woman, with a kid." he continued on.
Now I recognized the tone in his voice. It was the tone white guys use when they are alone and nobody they can offend is within earshot. The way he said it, it sounded as if he considered three more Black people on our street to be three too many. I simply looked at him, gave a little nod, and said "Nice to know.", and went into the house. Sometimes it's like that. You are so blindsided that you don't have a snappy reply for those awkward moments. It wasn't until much later that it occurred to me, we don't have too many Black people on the block. I mean, if you're going to inventory every negro on the street, then the fact is we have a deficit. Because when that guy moved onto our block we had the two Black lesbians and their daughters, the Black guy with the adorable chocolate Labrador retriever and his wife (She had a cute little dog too.), Stan across the street, the half Black family next door to me, and a couple of random Black guys across the street. Now since then the lesbians have moved out, the couple with the dogs have moved out, and the random Black guys have moved away. So I welcome the three Black Americans who have moved in down the block, near the corner. You have helped to replace our missing quota of Negros. We still need more to meet that quota and I have a two bedroom apartment available. Hot Black guys would be preferred.