Empanada King

Mark is the empanada king around here even though he hasn't a drop of Spanish blood in him. We live in an area where every other person's name ends in Mendez, Garcia, Castro, or Estefan, yet the best empanadas I have ever eaten come from my own kitchen. And I'm not the only one who thinks so. Whenever any of our friends throw a party they ask Mark to bring empanadas. So this past Halloween I was looking forward to the batch Mark was going to bake for the 'makeup' party over at his friends house. Before going out on Halloween, Mark's group of friends all meet at one guys house to put on their makeup, and Mark was bringing the empanadas. Of course I was monitoring the kitchen waiting for that first batch to come out of the oven. The aroma filled the house, and when the oven timer announced that it was empanada time, I and the dogs crowded around Mark as he put them out to cool. When they barely fell below the temperature of hot lava, I grabbed one. I bit into it and waited for the flavor to wash over my  tongue. There was a problem.

"What did you do? What did you do to these?" I screamed, as I ran for a glass of milk.

"What's wrong with them?" Mark asked.

"They're spicy. They're too damn spicy. You know I can't eat spicy foods. I come from British and Germanic peoples. We don't eat no damn spices."

"I didn't make them for you. They're for my friends."

I know that a lot of people like spicy foods. Some even show off and eat those hot peppers raw. Maybe there's something wrong with me, but I just don't understand. Why would you put something in your mouth that hurts when you eat it? When food is too spicy I can't even taste it. All I get is a burning sensation in my mouth. A very uncomfortable burning sensation, accompanied a few hours later by a very, very uncomfortable burning sensation as it leaves the other end.