Hate

Christmas 2012

Christmas back in the 1950's was a magical and special time for me. I was a little kid with no worries other than the possibility that my bladder wouldn't hold out through the night. I loved the colors, lights, and smell of Christmas. Sure, once in a while dad would explode into one of his profanity laden tirades in the days leading up to the big day, but now as an adult I fully understand why that happened. Yes, Christmas was special back then. My mom would bake cookies, and cakes. She would supervise the decorating of the house, do the gift shopping, gift wrapping, cook a huge Christmas dinner, and then clean it all up. I loved Christmas back then.

Two weeks ago this is what I heard from Mark, "I have a Christmas list with all the stuff I want on it."

"So where is it? Let me see it."

"I put it on Amazon."

"You mean a wish list, an Amazon wish list?"

"Yes."

So I went on Amazon and ordered the top four things Mark had on there. Today a large package arrived. As I carried the big box through the house Mark asked about it. I informed him that it was his Christmas crap. Minutes later this is what I heard from the bedroom.

"No, no, no. Why did you do that?"

"Do what?"

"Buy those things off of my wish list? That waffle iron was supposed to be for you."

"Well then why the hell was that waffle iron on your goddamned wish list? A wish list is shit you wish for, not for shit that you want me to have so that I'll make you waffles."

It got ugly very quickly. The conversation soon veered off into the fact that I have given Mark numerous Christmas gifts that he has never used. I informed him that I honestly have come to hate Christmas. I dread Christmas and all the  pressure to buy the right gift, and to make Christmas morning special. It never will be. Brightly wrapped boxes are torn open in minutes, with a quick "Oh, how did you know what I wanted? I love it." Just as quickly it's all over, with the afore mentioned gift immediately forgotten. Other than the cookies, cakes, liquor, and food, I can do without Christmas. I don't want any gifts, I don't want any of the pressure, I don't want to spend two days decorating the house and two days in March taking it all down. I literally hate Christmas. Sometimes though, I think I might like it again if I could somehow get the experience of my childhood back. That would be nice, except I don't think my mom would be up for it now.