Let Them Eat Dirt

Every twenty days I spend sixty dollars on a large bag of dog food. I read all the reports and reviews, all the research, and I picked one of the finest dog foods available. They seem to like it, they do eat it. There is one added benefit with this brand of dog food, firm turds. The dogs drop easily pickupable turds out in the yard. Which is great unless they've been nibbling in the kitchen while Mark cooks, then things get a little loose. Anyway, you would think they'd be satisfied. Back when winter finally broke and springtime arrived, I noticed that Chandler's turds were coming out black. Then I noticed Scout was doing the same thing. Oh hell, I thought, more vet bills. But I figured it out. We had a very late snowfall this spring. When the snow was on the ground the dog poo was normal. When it melted away and there was bare dirt in the garden, the dog poo turned black. My dogs were, and still are, eating dirt. They sneak off behind bushes and eat dirt. They try to get into the flower bed and eat dirt. Scout on many occasions has secretly carried a clump of dirt into the house to nibble on when I'm not looking. She is very clever. It doesn't stop there with just the dirt. No, my dogs are also big grass eaters. They will come to me with that, "I gotta go outside" look in their eyes, and trick me into letting them out. I open the door and they mosey on into the yard and start eating like a herd of cows. Dirt and grass, grass and dirt. No matter how much I tell them to stop, they still want it, sixty dollar bag of dog food be damned.