Saturday Morning Donut

For the past two years my morning backaches have been getting worse and worse. I thought it was my mattress, so a little over a year ago I spent a thousand dollars on a high quality mattress. It wasn't the mattress. My back kept getting worse and worse, so this time I went to the doctor. "No pills." I told him. "Find the source of the pain. I don't want pills." He gave me some pills. However, he also had me go get an MRI of my lower back. On Saturday I drove over to Saint Francis Hospital and got that MRI. The nice lady explained everything to me, and made it very clear that I was not to move during the entire thirty minute procedure. Not my feet, not my head, not my arms, nothing. "Don't move! If you do we'll have to start all over." I got up on the table, was made very comfortable, and then I was slid on into the giant donut. Somewhere from above my head came a voice, "Okay, thirty seconds." And it started.

WHEEEEE, WHEEEE, WHEEEE, WEEEE

BLAM, BLAM,BLAM

GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

I didn't move. Again the voice, this time sounding much further away and smaller, told me "This time it will be two and a half minutes."

CHUNK,CHUNK,CHUNK,CHUNK, BLAM,BLAM,BLAM

GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

WHOMP,WHOMP,WHOMP,WHOMP, WHOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMP

I kept telling myself, 'Do not move.' Over and over again the faint voice above my head told me how long the next series of super loud sounds would last, and I never moved. Not until about twenty five minutes into it. For some reason I picked up on a rhythm in the banging, buzzing, and roar of the machine. I wanted to dance to it. Seriously, I was sure I had screwed it all up and moved my feet to the 'music' of that beast. Finally, after a full thirty minutes, the voice told me that it was all over. I could feel myself being slid out from inside the big donut.

"Great job, Alan. We got perfect scans. You didn't move a muscle the whole time."

"Really?" I was very happy it all went well. So sometimes it's a good thing to not have rhythm, and not actually be able to dance.