Rancid Bologna and Beer

Whole wheat on the bottom shelf, Jewish rye on the top shelf.

I went through many hurricanes when we lived in Florida. The moment the news people informed us that a hurricane was a coming, all of those in the affected area rushed to the grocery store and bought up all the bottled water, canned tuna, and beer. A reasonable and expected reaction.

Saturday I did my regular weekly shopping at the Jewel store near us. I had been seeing stories on the news about idiots going crazy and buying up all the toilet paper and hand sanitizer, but I was not ready for what I found at the Jewel on Howard.

In the meat department pickings were slim, but I managed to get the last two packages of ribs. Beyond the meat department things got weird. People hurriedly pushing their carts while grabbing what they could off the shelves. Others were simply moving like zombies as if it was the first time they had ever been grocery shopping. Nobody was mean or pushy. No reason to be, because most of the stock was totally sold out. The shopping list Mark had given me had Jewish rye bread and whole wheat on it. I ambled over to the bread aisle, it was devastated. Devastated except for two loaves of bread, Jewish rye and whole wheat. Yes, I live a charmed life. After the bread I pushed on passing the paper products aisle. It was bare shelves from one end to the other with a few shoppers staring at them as if a miracle might suddenly happen. No toilet paper, no paper towels, no paper napkins, no tissues. Nothing, not the premium brands, not the store brand. Didn't matter to me, I have two weeks worth of toilet paper at home. What I did need was some Comet Cleanser and dishwasher detergent. I turned the corner to find the cleaning supplies department also stripped bare. No Comet, no dishwasher detergent. No Spic and Span, no Mr. Clean. Nothing. I joined another shopper standing there staring at the empty shelves. After a short time soaking it all in, I turned to her and asked, "What do you think these people did before today to clean their homes?" She looked at me with fear in her eyes, "We're going to be quarantined.... " Her voice trailed off. At every aisle I turned down, there were shopping cart traffic jams because shoppers were stripping them as fast as the employees could restock them. To make things worse, my liquor sample lady was not there. Last week I got two shots of Jack Daniels from her. This week, only sadness. After awhile I was finally done shopping. Somehow I had managed to get half of the things on Mark's list. Quite an achievement considering. Now to check out at the cashier. I  picked the shortest line with only three people ahead of me. Despite the fact that there was a lady ahead of me who apparently was shopping for ten other people and had ten different orders, I did not get upset. And when she had a problem because the cashier had mixed the orders up, causing a ten minute delay, I didn't get upset. Not until the guy in line ahead of me ripped off a loud, smelly fart did I lose it. Not until the aroma of rancid bologna and beer that had passed through that guy's digestive system came wafting by my nose, did I get upset.