Ponna

 

The actual pole behind my house. One of those wires is my cable television.

I changed cable companies on Wednesday. I know that all cable companies have horrible customer service, but that's not what I'm looking for. I'm looking for spending less money and that's what I got for the next two years. Kind of a pain in the ass, but for eighty dollars less per month it is worth it. So the guy came, a nice guy, and in a painless conversion that took about an hour, I had three working televisions. I also had new internet service with a new wireless router. After the cable guy left, after I fed the dogs, and after I fed myself, I began letting the Amazon Echos and remote electrical plugs know they had a new master. That was around six in the evening. First three Echos were a cinch, the fourth one was not. So I went on to the 'smart' plugs that I have lights plugged into. After two hours of fucking around with those and not getting them to work, I gave up and realized that I would have to get up out of my chair and physically turn off/on the lights from now on. I then tried to tackle the fourth Amazon Echo. It is the oldest and most difficult to configure. With my phone in hand I followed the instructions. That didn't work. I then freelanced for awhile. That didn't work. I reset it, I deleted it, I rebooted it, I did every damn thing I could think of. After about an hour of that I brought up the chat line on the app and asked for help. Somebody named Ponna came on and told me to reset the thing, delete the thing, and reboot it.

"I already did that ten times." I typed calmly, while in my head I was shouting.

"Okay sir. To help you I need the last four digits of your card."

"Card?"

"Yes, the card you use."

I thought for a moment. What the hell card does Ponna need? Is there a card that goes with Alexa?

"You mean my credit card?"

"Yes."

So I gave Ponna the digits and Ponna had me do some more things. Some things that I had done over and over before contacting Amazon customer service. Nothing worked. Finally, in frustration, I typed back to Ponna.

"I'll tell you what I will do. I'm going to chop this damn thing into little pieces, put it all in a box, and ship it back to you."

Three little dots appeared, and below that it said 'Ponna is typing'. A few moments later Ponna responded.

"I understand your frustration."

And that was the last I heard from Ponna... until ten minutes later. My phone beeped and the Amazon Alexa chat bubble came on the screen.

"So, did that work?"