Mom (1921 - 2021)

 

Lila (Mom)

Mom left us yesterday. She lived a long life, yet I would have been happy to have her around for a few more years. I've always measured the possibility of how long I could live by how long my relatives lasted. So besides wishing Mom good health and a long life, I was rooting for her to break records hoping that DNA was running through my veins.

What I have, what I will forever cherish, are memories of my Mom. My earliest is pulling myself up in my crib and watching her through the doorway of our bedroom. The bedroom that Dad later turned into the dining room. It was right off the kitchen where she spent much of her time. I liked spending time in the kitchen with her. When a song she loved came on the little Bakelite radio on the kitchen counter, Mom would sing along. I swore my mom had the finest voice I had ever heard. If a jazzy song came on she would break into a tap dance. Tippy tapping across the linoleum floor. Mom was multi-talented and I just couldn't figure out why she wasn't a famous star on television. Another talent was her artwork. Nothing fancy, just little doodles of faces she would draw on the shopping list she made for Dad every Saturday. I was impressed. Her drawings were at least as good as Chic Young (Google it).

I'll always have the memories of Mom being either pregnant or taking care of a baby. She did it eleven times. I remember her learning how to drive. Very exciting because she took me along when Mrs. Nelson next door, taught her in the Nelson's Pontiac. Many years later Mom took me out in our 1965 Ford station wagon and taught fifteen year old Alan how to use the clutch and stick shift. Every time I grind the gears in my old Ford Model A, I think of what she taught me. "Don't grind the gears."

Sometime in 1969 I told my mother that I was gay. Her response was, "I know that, but don't tell your father." She said it in such a matter of fact way that I never had to think about it again. Oh, and about Dad. A few years later it became apparent that he had figured it out long ago and found no reason to bring it up.

One more thing about her driving a car. She learned quickly and was a great driver. She never drove scared, never hesitated and always knew what she was going to do. She drove fast and always got you where you were going. Also, she scared the crap out of Mark the first time he rode with her. It was hilarious.

All this and more are what I want to remember about my Mom. The last few months were hard for her, and was only a tiny fraction of her life. There was so much more to it than that.

 ...Oh,  and another little memory that I always find amusing. Mom liked wine. She had a refrigerator in my dad's office filled with half empty wine bottles. She never wanted more than one glass of wine, and once she opened a bottle she didn't ever finish it. Unlike the bottles of Mogen David grape wine she used to go through when we were kids. One per week, just to cope with us angels.