I Use Bad Language

 

Let me ask those who know me personally and have heard me talk, do I slur my words? Do I have a heavy Chicago accent that is unintelligible to anybody who is not from Chicago? Because all the voice activated conveniences in my house seem to think that is the case. They do not hear what I think I am clearly saying. Alexa, the television remote, my phone's voice to text function, and the computer in my car all seem to think I am speaking some unknown language. It's very frustrating and it drives me crazy. I'll tell the computer in the car to call a phone number and I get an off key tone that then tells me to "Please use a command such as..." The car will then try to give me a tutorial on how to address it properly. Other drivers must think I'm crazy when they see me screaming at the top of my lungs, "CALL DENNIS AT HOME!!!, CALL DENNIS AT HOME GODDAMNIT!!" Of course that never works and I end up having to use the touch screen on the dashboard as I speed down the highway. Alexa, the Amazon smart thing that Mark bought, also does not understand me. I will ask her a question or request a radio station be played, and end up getting a long winded explanation of something she has "found on the internet" that is totally not what I was looking for. Once again, if I scream at her and call her filthy names, all I get is a 'bloop' sound and she goes silent. Texting on the phone is a challenge. Since the tiny keyboard is too small to easily type, I use voice to text. It never comes out correctly and often picks up words off the television to intersperse with my words. Finally, there is the television remote. It is voice activated which should be very convenient. It is not. Sometimes I tell it to change channels and all I get is a beep and a message telling me something is wrong. When I finally lose my temper and scream obscenities into the remote, it has no problem understanding that. I then get an answer on the screen that I have somehow insulted it. Like I said, do I slur my words. Am I that hard to understand?