Squirrels Are Really Just Cute Rats

 

A couple of weeks ago I'm sitting in my recliner chair enjoying the early evening and watching some baseball, when I notice movement out of the corner of my eye. Right outside the window, on my front porch, is a planter. In that planter I have flowers. Some petunias, a lot of begonias, and some hanging ivy. Right in the middle of all that I see a twitching, bushy tail. There's a squirrel in my planter digging away like Jeb Clampett looking for oil. Sitting on the window ledge looking out and enjoying the show, is Scout. Not a peep out of her. No barking at the squirrel. She's acting more like an accomplice, like she's going to get a cut of the loot. So I open the window and scream at the rodent to get the hell out of there. It doesn't even look up to see who's yelling at it. Just keeps on digging, dirt flying everywhere. I get the water squirt bottle that I use to squirt Scout when she barks too much. I take aim and shoot at the squirrel. I swear the squirrel gave me the finger as it skittered away across the lawn. The nerve of that thing. I put a lot of thought into that planter. Every year I make a big deal out of that planter and it always looks great. It's the centerpiece of my front yard.

That was a few weeks ago. Yesterday morning I'm taking Scout out for her early walk. As we leave the front porch, I look down. There on the second step is one single marigold head laying there like the horse's head in The Godfather. Up on the porch step is the planter that it came from. The day before there was a nice bushy bunch of marigolds in that planter. This morning it is just dirt. Not a bloom, not a stem, not even any marigold roots. Just dirt. WTF? I immediately ruled out theft. If somebody wanted to steal my marigolds, they would have taken the entire planter. No, it has to be that squirrel. That rat bastard got me back for denying whatever it was digging for in the begonias.